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The Five to Fifteen Minutes Thread.
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samrw3
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2018 5:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds like an actual exchange so I liked it. Interestingly enough I have the most trouble writing something that reflects something close to reality. When I tried in this space I deleted my effort before it ever was posted Very Happy
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samrw3
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 30, 2018 8:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

New submission no carry over from prior postings:

Let me know what you think of this one - I am not sure if it is too "dark" but it was aching to get out of my brain. PS - not to worry I am fine and this is not about me.
PSS probably going to be over fifteen minutes but I need to write this part before I go crazy
Twisted Evil

I'm OK
I walked blindly past dozens of people to get to my office. It was almost the end of the day and all I could think of was home. Not because it was safe, or fun. No I ached to fell my life again. Every day was pulsating pain. Every day was a gouging loneliness and emptiness.

"hey ya Tim I'm doing good - yeah sure we will talk later"

I wasn't doing good - not even close. But I knew how to put up that false face good - great even.

"Tina - I'm fine. Something on my mind? Umm not really - almost end of day and everything"

The fakeness settled in the pit of my stomach like a weight. I placed my hands in my pocket and scratched the inside of pocket lining. I feel my heart pounding. Tina stop staring at me - I need to keep moving. Did I just say that out loud? I can't remember and don't care.

"Well need to get going" best damn fake smile and I quickly shuffled around. I needed to get to my office before I cracked.

I closed my office door and rushed over to my chair - almost collapsing. I raised my hands to my face and gathered my breath. I needed to get a hold of myself. I probably should leave early - I wasn't thinking about work. I just wanted to get home and feel alive.

I suppose the plan I had in my mind most would question. But they didn't know. No no no...they didn't know. I imagine they would try to talk to me if they knew. Probably convince me to stop. But did they have to feel my pain? My anger? loneliness, confusion, agony, emptiness?? No no no no no

I realize that my heartbeat is starting to race. I breathe in heavy and exhale, pick up the phone. "hey Alice can you take my calls and push my 9AM back to 10AM. C'mon! I don't care! Just tell them that we are finalizing the paperwork - oh Alice! fine keep it at 9AM!." I hang up the fine with a nice resounding thud that is just enough to make me grin. I feel my finger pulsate for a moment. I need to go. I am almost tempted to stay after most people have left. No more fake smiles.

But I knew I needed to leave. I was cracking and I was not sure if I could take another moment.

"Yes Alice I'm ok. No no no I'm not mad at you...look I really need to go! Yes yes yes I'm fine just a lot on my mind ya know? Please Alice I really need to go. I made sharp turn without looking back. I let my hand smooth my shirt. I am making long strides not to move fast but to feel the strain in my legs ,the blood flowing through my body. I guess I am still alive. Or I think I am.

"John? oh yes sorry - I didn't see you. I'm really sorry John I'm not feeling too great - going to go home and get some rest." STOP LOOKING AT ME!!! I'M OK!!! "John can we talk tomorrow. Yeah man I'm really ok. Sure sure tomorrow 8AM? - great!" I am almost trembling my heart skipping around my eyes darting. "John anything else? yeah sure I'm ok-really. Yeah ok tomorrow"

I increase my strides, now I am hurrying, I cannot stop this time. I cannot fake my way past another person.

I finally make it to my car and grip my steering wheel. Then I sag down in my seat the whole day bearing me depressed into the cushions. I am able to be empty here. I let the emptiness fill me, surround me. I am able to look out the window - count the cars 1,2,3...Terry brought his bright red car - oh good for Terry 4,5...I notice some people far away in the parking lot. Where are they going do they care - do they know if I am alive? 6,7..Kathy just exited the building - I need to go...counting cars is useless. It is time for me to face tonight...

To be continued...
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samrw3
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 9:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

***Warning*** the next installment will be pretty dark and possible intense read. I decided to tone it down from my initial direction I was going to take with the story but even this piece may be considered too dark for some.
***** Obviously do not try this at home or let this story influence any behavior. Like I said a dark story but sort of some sort of catharsis for me.

*Just a reminder this is not about me there are some scenes where some memories of my past 'influenced' the story but certainly not a recounting of anything in my past or anyone I know.

- final note again over 15 minutes.

I'm Ok - continued
I could feel the pounding in my heart on the way home. I purposely inhaled a large gulp of air to feel it through my senses.

I drove hard into my parking spot. Hard enough that I had to brake hard and feel my senses tingle and the rise of heart throb in my body. I could see the whiteness of my knuckles as they grasped the steering wheel.

I shifted into park and turned off the ignition. I sat staring at the red brick wall. I started counting the bricks - one, two..hmm that brick is broken, three...this is stupid -really stupid. I was delaying the inevitable and I knew it.

I slammed the car door and enjoyed the noise echoing in my ears. I clutched my keys and fidgeted with them - just for a moment - then slid them in my pocket.

I did not bother to check my mail. It did not matter. I needed to come home and take care of what I planned.

Oh the careful planning I had waited for weeks to feel this moment and I wanted it to happen with no possible interruption.

I entered my house. The walls were bare just like I needed them to be. I strode over to the sink and grabbed a glass. I started to fill the glass and I noticed my hands shaking. I felt the coolness of the water over my fingertips. I wrenched the faucet to stop the faucet. I noticed my heavy breathing. I shut my eyes and counted my heartbeats.

I was delaying again. But still...phone off...check...did I lock the door?...check

I walked to my bedroom seeing if I could match my stride to the heartbeats - one two three four. One two three four....

I shut my bedroom door behind me. I look around and smile. I had emptied out my bedroom so that all that remained was my bed and the end table and a solitary lamp.

I sat on the edge of the bed near the end table. I feel the bed spring under my weight and momentarily let my hand touch the end table - not yet - oh no not yet.

I let my hand smooth down my shirt so that it feels snug against my skin. I close my eyes and inhale. I concentrate on my heartbeat and place my hands on my knees until my heart beats in a steady beat.

I unbutton the buttons near the wrist of my long sleeved shirt. I slowly roll up the sleeve almost to the elbow.

I slowly trace the cloth of my shirt from the shoulder feeling each moment as it lingers by. I dig my nail into the shirt not too hard or direct - just enough - oh yes just enough.

I reach the elbow and count my heartbeats before I touch near my elbow with my finger. I let my heart race skipping around beats. I flatten my finger so that it glides down each part of skin to my wrist. I am feeling each hair and the skin feels alive with each touch.

I grasp the end table knob and just let my knuckles pulsate on the knob for a moment . I open the table and grasp the smooth sleek silver handle. I stroke the handle for a moment and carefully take it out of its drawer.

I slowly find the small button that ejects the small silver blade. I begin to take the edge to my shirt near my shoulder. I know I must repeat the steps that I took with my finger.

I let each heart beat race. I let my chest burst in anxiety.

Tonight.

Oh yes tonight,I will feel alive again.

------ THE END ------------

So??? too dark? should I delete this- please let me know. This was an interesting challenge for me so I would be curious of thoughts out there.
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2018 1:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, definitely don't delete. I've hesitated when posting dark stuff, but I think a warning is sufficient.
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samrw3
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2018 3:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Sorus! I was sweating bullets the whole time that I wrote this and after I finished. I'm glad I went through it - for a 50 something year old white male that has not written anything besides poetry (before my other 15 minutes posts) I wanted to push my individual boundary.
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