Kevin's Watch Forum Index
 HomeHome   MemberlistMemberlist   RegisterRegister   SearchSearch   ProfileProfile   FAQFAQ   StatisticsStatistics  SudokuSudoku   Phoogle MapPhoogle Map 
 AlbumAlbum StoresStores   StoresItems Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

S.W.A.T. Team: Resurreccion

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Kevin's Watch Forum Index -> The Hall of Gifts
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Shuram Gudatetris
Luxurator of In-Flux Crust Eruptions

Male
Joined: 20 Dec 2006
Posts: 668

Thanks: 22
Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts

Location: Cameron, Missouri
12755 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Lego1 Translation1 Member of Linden's Army


PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2018 12:27 am    Post subject: S.W.A.T. Team: Resurreccion Reply with quote

Bad Writing:

Scientifically speaking, Word is a program. And so is love: the love of the program.

Interspecies lovers make exceptional couples. John and a, uh, tapeworm. Anna and the Gypos.

John gets sent into vibration of exceptional forces. He is shaken out of
existence!

Kibble and Cob come from the spaecial folk, the gypsie pixies of deep space. Wandering, wonderful nomads from before there was time. Ooops look at them! They stumbled into our timeline.

"Oh, honey," whispers Kibble to John. "We been gone so long in deep space, we come from beyond time."

"Is that why you are magic?" John begs to know, his eyes twinkling with delight.

Kibble is a dick to everybody on the ship, except for John.

"Special Kibble! What is the meaning of this?" John screams into his face. "I have a report that declares you sent henchman after my yeomen, and had his testicles crushed with a hammer!" John's face was beat red. He was sweating profusely, shaking the papers in Kibble's face as he shouted. "Guess what, buddy! I'm about to have your balls right now!"
Kibble looks ashen and mournful. "Ah, Captain, I'm upset, don't you know, that you would be so demeaning and commandeering to me." Kibble snuffles and rubs his eyes. "Why, after all I've done for you! I would never have guessed_."

John spun his head in a circle, his neck bones grinding and tearing as he did so. "Special Kibble, God damn it, I'm about three seconds away from taking two seconds to blast you a good one. Now explain yourself, and do it right this second!"

Kibble places his hand on John's shoulder and gently squeezes. "Captain Honey dear, I have only been looking out after your safety! And you know this! I would never, ever, take away a man's integrity."

Kibble looked meaningfully over his spectacles at John, and batted his eyelashes together accusingly.

"Now, as I am sure you already know, there is nothing at all wrong with your yeoman but a little bit of hurt pride. Why, back in my day, the seniors rubbed a stiff rope between my legs and poured turpentine on me during freshman initiation! Ha!" Kibble chuckled, and clapped John on the back in comraderie. "What I wouldn't give to have traded raw turpentine ass for a little slap and tickle like your precious little Yeoman got today. And, you know, that is all he got: a little slap, a tickle . . . and a warning."

Kibble batted his eyelashes together accusingly again.

"A warning that he should respect his superiors, and to not go snooping around where yeomen's poopers ain't supposed to be stooping, if you know what I mean."

John continued to stare Kibble down, growing slowly more unsure-looking. "Special Kibble, I'll take your suggestion under consideration," John finally growled.

John spun on his heel in a huff, and stormed his way out in an un-tuff huffy puff.
_________________
Covenant is Linden Frankenstein's monster.

I maxed-out Tetris!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Phoogle Map
Shuram Gudatetris
Luxurator of In-Flux Crust Eruptions

Male
Joined: 20 Dec 2006
Posts: 668

Thanks: 22
Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts

Location: Cameron, Missouri
12755 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Lego1 Translation1 Member of Linden's Army


PostPosted: Sat Oct 13, 2018 5:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Resurreccion: Episode -3
Back 2 Square One



In one rendition, Map is a tapeworm which John gives birth to through his urethra. The tapeworm develops a sexual relationship with John, and John feeds the tapeworm his semen for nutrition. The tapeworm grows big, and strong, and magical. The more semen it eats, the more feminine it becomes, until it becomes the living embodiment of everything John desires.

In another rendition, Map is the physical living nightmare of everything John fears and abhors (i.e. rape, worm sex, etc.).

In yet another rendition, John and Map are partners in crime, stealing through Worm holes.

John Thompson is Charlie Sheen's Topper Harley.

Youzou is Young Guns' Lou Diamond Phillips.

I'm a Mexican Indian!

John's right eye begins dilating and contracting uncontrollably. The pupil grows and shrinks, grows and shrinks. The bigger it gets, the faster it gets, the more extreme it gets. John begins to look insane, with his one eyes shaking uncontrollably.

Eventually, a black hole takes place of his eyeball, slowly grinding his brain to oatmeal, and eating his brains alive!

John is drunki, and cryee, and on Kibble's stoop.

"Hey there, captain Honey," mumbles Kibble to the prostrate shadow on the floor. "Come for a little sugar did you? Well, you'right on time. I've summoned you for a Magical Reading!"
Kibble is Tracey Morgan in drag.

A Black Hole. It is literally a hole. Reality is spilling into it. Non-existency is spilling out of it.

Something magical and wonderful happens when all that matter gets smashed into nothingness. It goes to another side. There is light.

Black Hole. Hole. Worm hole.

Strange creations, and misadventures of mischief.

The MisAdventures of Mystery and Mischief.

Mystery and Mischief are in the Police's Station. They see the Poster. "Mystery and Mischief, we're on it!" they crow.

The Police Seargent growls, "Hey, god damn it, you're not even supposed to be back here! You just forget you ever saw that Wanted Poster! Hear me? Forget! Before you Regret!"

"It's too late," they intone ominously. "We are on it."

And a mystery squirrel in the shape of a giant rabbit swoops in and they vanish.


Mystery and Mischief are aboard the Abysmal Fury.

"That's Mrs.tery, to you," says Mystery.

"And you shall refer to me as Ms.chief," doles out Mischief in a wicked tongue lashing.

The crew aboard the Abysmal Fury looks uncomfortable. They are not used to seeing anyone stand on equal footing with Smarvak, even temporarily. But Smarvak surprises them all by clapping his hands together excitedly and summoning his boson.

"Charlie, isn't it wonderful? Please take them below, to the Special Suites. You know the ones, my private, luxury Suites." Smarvak gives Charles a swift hard slap on the posterior, and old Charlie boy gets scooting in a hurry. He leads the misadventurous ladies off the bridge.

Smarvak begins dancing and swooning, and he leaps over to where the ladies were seated. "Oh, is it wonderful!" Smarvak takes in a big breath of air through his nose, savoring the aroma of the female passengers. "Vagina! I smell vagina!"

Yarvak swoons and faints, and he lands on his back with his erection pointed towards the ceiling.

"See," says the elder ensign to the junior ensign. "Told you, he's not gay!" Razz
_________________
Covenant is Linden Frankenstein's monster.

I maxed-out Tetris!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Phoogle Map
Shuram Gudatetris
Luxurator of In-Flux Crust Eruptions

Male
Joined: 20 Dec 2006
Posts: 668

Thanks: 22
Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts

Location: Cameron, Missouri
12755 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Lego1 Translation1 Member of Linden's Army


PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2018 4:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A Friend Until the End

Cat blank-subjected me. Fucking plucked the idea from my head. I saw her eyes glint, the fan seemed to bog down for a cycle or two, and then: nothing.

Nothing what?

Nothing nevermind.

Nothing ill-begotten fate. Nothing ill seeming mushrooms. Nothing nothing. Nothingmore.

Nonetheless, we must be moving on now. Moving forward, as it were. Moving were-ful, as it was. Moving never-when-be's when necessary.

Captain John. Aye, that's right, Captain John, himself, the old inscrutable bastard. Captain John sat upon his throne, and he was thinking some thunderous thoughts. He was thinking, and he was wondering, what would happen if he wormed his way into a Worm hole. He grinned at the thought of rubbing his chin in victory.

Oh, what I wouldn't give!
-to save a life?
-to be reunited?
-to keep a promise?

If you could have it all, could you even help yourself from being a little selfish?


(And green devil horns grow out on your invisible reflection.)




Erection.
Reflection.
Resurrection.

First, she puts your penis into her mouth.
Then she puts one of your balls between her finger and her thumb.
Next, she puts your other ball between her other fingers and thumb.
Then, she squeezes as hard as she can without losing her grip.


===============================================

The Applesauce Clause


Independent thought leads to reckless creation.

Captain John again. There he is. Here we are, and there he is, and off we go.

We look in upon this lost man, this heartless soul of a bastard, and we find a lonely, pathetic weeperly weepers' son. There he is, laying sad, laying all cuddled up in a ball, as if he's ashamed he might get an erection if he relaxed. He is crying, and he is weeping. He is tearful as he sobs into his pillow.

His pillow is gross. It is covered in unwashed slobber stains. It is yellow with old sweat. It stinks of reek. Yuck. Infestation. Ziplock this bitch until we can burn it gross.

He breathes in deeply, breathing his fetid grossness out of his own pillow. He breathes, he breathes it in deeply, and he deeply breathes all the nastiness and yuck. So gross. So full of parasites. It is ew and gross for sad lonely crying man.

Worms. Worms of infestation. Worms can infest our existence. Worm; worm hole; string theory.

_________________
Covenant is Linden Frankenstein's monster.

I maxed-out Tetris!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Phoogle Map
Shuram Gudatetris
Luxurator of In-Flux Crust Eruptions

Male
Joined: 20 Dec 2006
Posts: 668

Thanks: 22
Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts

Location: Cameron, Missouri
12755 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Lego1 Translation1 Member of Linden's Army


PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2018 12:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Double Crunch

Independent ore-miners. Illegitimate back room deals. Evil devil cat eyes glowing in the dark. Maybe if there was a spider who was special, she would have cat eyes. Undelivered promises.

Captain John was a steadfast man. He was determined to get things right, to pay his debts, to make good on all his promises. His swagger and confidence had left him, but grim determination remained, unmasked and unbalanced.

He squeezes his juice box in his fist, making a mess of himself and his surroundings. Code red! Er, I mean Code Blue! Party foul!

A life has unraveled in the blink of an eye. John stares down at his crushed juice box. He washes away a drop of the juice with one, sad, lonely tear, a tear abominably birthed from an eye who betrayed him. He threw the juice box down in disgust and stepped on it.

With his emotions as near under control as they were likely to remain, John pulled his chin up off his chest and confronted the room.

The mess hall was packed and crowded, full to its capacity. Near fifty percent of his ship's Crew were here nibbling on their rations. Not a soul dared to look at him.

Do they fear me?

Do they hate me?

John hawked down the crowd and found the most innocent and naive face he could discern. "Ensign Luck!" he yelled and the sandy haired youthful woman bounced to her feet, snapping her hand in a salute with a spiffy preciseness.

"What is the meaning of this mess?" He gestured at his feet. "I want it cleaned up, on the double, or you'll be cleaning up muck double-trouble! Got it, miss?"

"Enisgn Barbara Luck, sir, aye, sir, yes, sir, I read you loud and clear, sir. I'll clean it all up, lickety split, and I'll be quick and spiffy, and spot clean every bitty bit of it, sir!"

Grrrrr_.

"You better just watch that little lip of yours, you little Luckless Luck of a twit."

John gleaked her in the eye with his last spit.



Sad Catfish Stuck in a Swamp

Planes fly and the wind blows. She is always there, watching me, just over my shoulder. Every once in a while, I catch a glimpse of her out the corner of my eye when I turn my head quickly.

She has thick, lushes, wavy, overflowing red hair. Burgandy? Dark red. Reddish dark brown. Maybe...red? Miles and miles of wavy, luscious, flowing red hair. She does her best to keep it under control by tucking it under an oversized sun hat.

Witness claims state that her sunset hat is a purplish color. Maybe magenta. Maybe indigo. Maybe lavender.

Not much else can be said about her, except that she hides herself under an over-sized over coat. This overcoat might be gray, or tan, or brown. They are never very sure of it's exact color, except it seemed that she wore bright red clothes underneath. They seem to recall perhaps a sleeve, or maybe a pant leg, sticking out from under her overcoat. Bright red.

The strange thing about the "over-sized" overcoat is that it almost didn't seem overly large at all. It just seemed to contain an awful lot of essence.



Indy Fizzable Wet Sands

There is something rotten in the state of Portland.

It is John's favorite city to visit. He smiles hugely as he walks along, taking it all in. But some people tend to look back at him with anger and contempt.

The first time John saw Pearl, he was on a plane to his favorite city: Portland (Oregan). Nothing happened, except that he noticed her, and she winked at him out the corner of her hat. But after touchdown, he felt like a stranger in his favorite city. He kept walking into dead ends, and there was a sinister quality about the strangers in the street.

John was a young man then. And , for the first time in his life, everything seemed to be going really good for him. But it was the beginning of the end. Portland was simply the first place to start unraveling.

There is a spider at the end of a web. She catches the pieces of reality as they fall apart.

The unraveling of space is sort of like the construction of a spider web in reverse.



I've said it once, and I've said it for the thousandth time. The worst part about John's betrayel is that he feels so bad about what happened [to Ace?]. John loves Ace, like a brother.

What would be John Thompson's name if he moved into a reality in which his name was different?

Something like Arch Harborson. Chester Tollhouse. Archibald. I keep going back to Arch. Arch Rocksteady. Arch Ramsteel. Arch Harborson.

Archie Harborson. Arch. Archibald.

Joe DiVioli, meet Arch Harborson.

Arch Harborson, meet Dr. Kripke. *They shake hands*

Arch Kripke.

I really like the name Rich Kripke.

John sees Arch, and runs up to him enthusiastically. "Eggs!" Johns smiles and claps him on the back. "Ha, you old dog! Where you been? Whatchsa been up to, huh?"

Rich, reddens, looking sullen, "I, uh, actually hate being called 'Eggs'."

"Oh, no," John looks disgusted with himself. "Oh, Eggs--Arch!--I'm so sorry! I had no idea!" John paces pathetically back and forth in front of Rich. "I'm sorry. I really am. I never meant anything by it!"

Rich was furiously red, and squirming to boot. "Actually, I go by Rich now. Rich Kripke. I, uh, don't answer to that other name anymore. I'm, uh, a changed man." Rich coughed his throat in embarrassment.

John, arches his eyebrow, and pounces on his chance. He jumps up, grabs Rich by the arm and shoulder, and begins congratulating him furiously. "Oh, I see. Oh, I see. Good for you! You show 'em!" John ruffles Rich's hair. "Atta boy, Rich!"

John is grinning broadly now, giving Rich the thumbs-up gesture.

Rich stares back with smouldering hatred. There is real steam rising from his ear canals. He spins stiffly about on his heel, and storms off in a tight stomp.
_________________
Covenant is Linden Frankenstein's monster.

I maxed-out Tetris!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Phoogle Map
Shuram Gudatetris
Luxurator of In-Flux Crust Eruptions

Male
Joined: 20 Dec 2006
Posts: 668

Thanks: 22
Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts

Location: Cameron, Missouri
12755 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Lego1 Translation1 Member of Linden's Army


PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2018 6:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lost Betrayals

Philibusters, nutmeg, maple leaf sodas. These are the things that I thought of as I drove down St Joseph Avenue in the middle of winter. My tires were bald. Like, racing slick bald.

Fuck this, fuck, fuck everything.

Microbial infection in the hip area. Infestation sites include leg bone, leg muscle, hip bone, hip muscle. Nervous tissue. This is NO laughing matter. Be ashamed.

John knew he was going to die. Everyone else did. Why wouldn't he? The hole in his heart grew bigger every day. His heart became frail.

Cuba was blind, and old, and bald, and sitting in a chair sporting a beard. He was drooling over his bottom lip as he leaned heavily on his cane. But that one lazy eye was fixed fixedly on John's forehead. "You gonna die! Hear me? You gonna die! Now, get on out here and get! Don't want NONE of your business. So go on, get going, get on out here!"

"But, Old man!" John was shocked.

But Cuba would have none of it! He began screaming and wailing, and waving his stick around menacingly. He was the sight of nightmarish terror.

John began sobbing and dropped to his knees. Old man Cuba got crookedly to his feet and raised his cane as high as he could over his head. "Yeah, that's it!" he slobbered. "Lay down and die like the dog that you are!" Cuba was spraying spittle and foam from his mouth, covering John in a spritz of foam and blood.

John looked up in terror at the last second, and saw the lightning strike in Old man Cuba's eyes as fangs and forked tongue sprouted from his mouth. Rats and bats began chewing and clawing their way out his hunched back, flooding the air and floor with bloody panicked vermin and flying menaces.

In his last act of consciousness, Old man Cuba decided to quit fighting the urge to throw up. What was happening was going to keep on happening, now matter what he did: he might as well accept it. He vomited earthworms and baby mice all over his feet. They immediately began to claw and burrow under his toe nails. He died.

Shatterred aftermath:

John crawled. Slowly. Inch by inch. All he had left was his robotic arm, slowly dragging what was left him to the Worm hole. The shattered puzzle piece of his life, the chip of the mirror to which he now clung, was flipping over and fading away. If john did not let go, he would be pulled [away] with it. He could do nothing.

But wait for one more moment of gravity.

And crawl.

And wait. For one more .. ... moment ... of...

Existence.

And crawl. And crawl. And crawl.

And cling to the struggle.

(cling to existence)



Meanwhile:
(Elsewhere In the Universe)

Anna is fighting to convince her ship and her crew to sacrifice aeverything. For the sake of John. To them, some (nonexistent) man named John Thompson who meant absolutely nothing to them.

"Who the fuck is John fucking Thompson??"

Anna responds (stupidly) like she didn't hear the question (Linden Avery style). John is going to cling on, and keep on going on. He is going to struggle. He is going to do aeverything he can to try to get back to us, and we need to do aeverything we can to get him back. Trust me on this!


The Intanglible Reality:

No mistake about it, we're getting serious this time. So watch out. Here we go:

The Intangible Reality:

Phase I:

The Aftermath of the After Math.

Part One: Present Day

Chapter One: The Sixth Book of the Prophet Roanokiovicz

(The Later Years of Hyuman Life)


~A Study of Roanokiovicz's New Mexican heritage: Did she or didn't she? The Controversy that shook the entire state of New Mexico, from San Fran Cisco in the border lands, to Mississippi Mud Slide Pie, a restaurant in Albequerque.~


John realized he was royally fucked even before he opened his eyes. He smelled a strong scent of mixed human and canine urine and feces, and he was sleeping in something that felt...unsettling.

Spice man, spice hero, spice worship. Rrrrrrrussian Spice Station (spice warship! ha!)
_________________
Covenant is Linden Frankenstein's monster.

I maxed-out Tetris!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Phoogle Map
Shuram Gudatetris
Luxurator of In-Flux Crust Eruptions

Male
Joined: 20 Dec 2006
Posts: 668

Thanks: 22
Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts

Location: Cameron, Missouri
12755 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Lego1 Translation1 Member of Linden's Army


PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2018 4:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spinster Pothead

Why write about failure? No one wants to read about failure.

I made myself believe. I guess that's pretty good.

I have to take the failure in stride. It's the end of the story.

But I did believe.

If I can make myself believe, maybe I can make other people believe.

I do believe I served a purpose.

I think I'll be just fine. I'm going to drink a cup of coffee, have a smoke, sip some beer, and get myself ready to talk to the cute Cognitive Research gal.















John walks into a room whistling and twirling his thumbs. He chokes on his whistle and trips over his thumbs when he looks up and see a couple of hot bodies, dressed in sexy cocktail dresses and perfumed to the gills. His whistle whistles into a cat-whistle whistle.

The women turn around and--

John falls over his own feet when he sees their faces!

"Map! Anna!" John is shocked. "What is this? What is the meaning of this?"

Map cocks her hips defensively and and inquires sassily, "What's the meaning of what?"

She is wearing a fur coat as a scarf and holding a model of a fancy cigarette.

"This!" John gestures about wildly in front of him. "Why you dressed up like girls for?"

Map arches her eyebrow offendedly. Anna's face is blank. "John, we are girls."

"Ha!" John barrels over in laughter. He is really guffawing, slapping his knee and choking on bibbons.

Map throws her model of a fancy cigarette on the ground and stomps on it, like she is putting out a real cigarette. "What the fuck is so funny?" she demands acidly, right before throwing her foot into his crotch as hard as she could-

NO! He dodged, damn it!

"Ha!" shouts John again. "Ha, ha! Missed! Missed like a girl! Oh, ha!"

"I am fucking girl, dick," she snarls. "I'm about to tear your fucking throat out."

This makes John laugh even harder. Map is pissed, her face is red, she is tapping her foot in irritation. John notices her tapping her foot, is reminded of her threat, and starts laughing even harder. But he puts his hands up in surrender as he laughs.

"Map!" he pleads. "Wait! I can't help it!"

He makes a noticeable effort to stifle his giggles and Map is placated for the time being. She dismisses John with a sigh and turns back to Anna. Her bow is crooked. Map reaches up and straightens it.

Anna's face is blank.





















John is weeping in the dark, clutching at his sheets, begging for help.

"Kibble!" he cries into the darkness. "Kibble, it hurts!"

John is alone. He is so utterly alone. He is lonely, a loner, and a lonesome roamer. A lonely boner is his only forlorn form of comfort.

He wants so bad to BE with someone. Anyone. He is lonely.

Am I doing right?

No answer.


If it wasn't for Josie and Rocky, I would probably do something stupid. I am very tempted, in fact, to just dump them off on Sarah. I probably need to have her move out soon, so that this scenario won't exist for me.

I liked myself a little bit today but I always hated myself.
_________________
Covenant is Linden Frankenstein's monster.

I maxed-out Tetris!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Phoogle Map
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Kevin's Watch Forum Index -> The Hall of Gifts All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by Earthpower © Kevin's Watch