Kevin's Watch Forum Index
 HomeHome   MemberlistMemberlist   RegisterRegister   SearchSearch   ProfileProfile   FAQFAQ   StatisticsStatistics  SudokuSudoku   Phoogle MapPhoogle Map 
 AlbumAlbum StoresStores   StoresItems Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Repost: Guilt (TCTC fanfiction / revised)
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Kevin's Watch Forum Index -> The Hall of Gifts
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Frostheart Grueburn
Swordmain

FemaleRanyhyn
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Posts: 1827

Thanks: 0
Thanked 59 Times in 56 Posts

Location: Gianthome
1909 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Giant1 Giant Ship1 Mount Thunder


PostPosted: Sat Nov 16, 2013 5:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bleh you people. Razz So fixed some links to them both, no need to have google adventures. Still don't know if this is a good idea, these wallow in abysmal karma. Fever must've softened my skull or something. (Why resurrect this thread now, though? Confused Not like I inquired about the hell-levels yesterday...)

But, seriously, WF, it's been two years. Razz Razz Do take that 5-min break from the Tank.


Last edited by Frostheart Grueburn on Mon Nov 18, 2013 4:22 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Savor Dam
Will Be Herd!

MaleRanyhyn
Joined: 02 Mar 2009
Posts: 4840

Thanks: 50
Thanked 71 Times in 68 Posts

Location: Pacific NorthWet
1379 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 2009 Watchies1 Furls Fire1 Love


PostPosted: Sat Nov 16, 2013 5:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Zorm / Frostheart /__ wrote:
Why resurrect this thread now, though?

Since I was the one who bumped the thread after ten months, that question goes to me...and the answer is that after seeing a smattering of posts from you crop up elsewhere on the the Watch recently, I decided to fish a bit for more posts.

I apologize for not responding to the PM you sent last summer after your departure. It was too soon...for you, for me, and for the Watch. I appreciate what you said there, despite not agreeing with how you departed.

I want, the Watch wants, you to come back...and to remain present. That is why this thread has resurfaced. Simple as that.

Thank you for restoring the message and links at the top of the thread!
_________________
Love prevails.
~ Tracie Mckinney-Hammon
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Phoogle Map
ussusimiel
Ghurning

Male
Joined: 31 May 2011
Posts: 5346

Thanks: 69
Thanked 66 Times in 63 Posts

Location: Waterford (milking cows), and sometimes still Dublin, Ireland
7686 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Unfettered1 Member of THOOLAH1 2011 Watchies


PostPosted: Sat Nov 16, 2013 6:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

While, for purely personal reasons, I do not read fan-fic or view visual renderings of scenes or characters, I really appreciate the work and effort that goes into them. They show great appreciation for SRD's work and build on and enrich it.

Thanks to all who put their time and energy into it!

u.


















P.S. It may be a bit premature, but welcome back, Frosty! *big smile*
_________________
Tho' all the maps of blood and flesh
Are posted on the door,
There's no one who has told us yet
What Boogie Street is for.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Savor Dam
Will Be Herd!

MaleRanyhyn
Joined: 02 Mar 2009
Posts: 4840

Thanks: 50
Thanked 71 Times in 68 Posts

Location: Pacific NorthWet
1379 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 2009 Watchies1 Furls Fire1 Love


PostPosted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 2:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The melon does not know what he is missing...
_________________
Love prevails.
~ Tracie Mckinney-Hammon
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Phoogle Map
Frostheart Grueburn
Swordmain

FemaleRanyhyn
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Posts: 1827

Thanks: 0
Thanked 59 Times in 56 Posts

Location: Gianthome
1909 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Giant1 Giant Ship1 Mount Thunder


PostPosted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 2:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, gourd/SD. Little steps, little steps. Wink Have to see that the bad karma doesn't backfire again (And if I can get some serious feedback on this revision and the other story after asking quarter a hundred times. I don't know why I always have such difficulties with this.).
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Effaeldm
Better Keep Quiet About It

Ranyhyn
Joined: 25 May 2011
Posts: 2890

Thanks: 63
Thanked 17 Times in 16 Posts

Location: Deep in psychotic, warped and weird thoughts
262 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Summoning1 Dreams1 Diamondraught


PostPosted: Fri Nov 29, 2013 9:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Frosty-Zormy, glad to see you here again Very Happy

And I won't really claim bad karma for this, it's not like there are hordes of fanfiction admirers on the Watch, many people don't really take that genre, and SRD's works really don't appear to ask for it much, though if attempts are made... well, you know Smile

Wayfriend, perhaps it could be easier to do this in parts, writing down a large piece is often a scary thought, commenting a bit to start and then adding to that might brighten it up.

Savor Dam wrote:
Effy's wiki site sure make that easier!


Thanks for the appreciation, though it's more like Frosty's and Effy's wiki. And did you mention you can leave comments below the pages? Comments about the wiki are pretty hard to find elsewhere, and a few words about the contents or some links found and added could be really appreciated.
_________________
A role-player, beware
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
StevieG
Andelainian

Male
Joined: 12 Dec 2007
Posts: 3226

Thanks: 8
Thanked 17 Times in 17 Posts

Location: Australia
4747 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Furls Fire


PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 5:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have read half of Chapter 1 (up to the ***). I love the feel that you have created. The first few paragraphs took some adjusting for me to get into the swing of it, but once that was accomplished, it has been a very entertaining read! It has a very impressive emotional impact. Crookback's recollection of Gnarlfist and the repercussions really pack a punch.

My favourite line so far:

Quote:
Now he attempted to cover himself with his drinking horn, but the task proved as successful as trying to stuff a turnip into a thimble


Laughing
_________________
Hugs and sh!t!! ~ lucimay
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Phoogle Map
Frostheart Grueburn
Swordmain

FemaleRanyhyn
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Posts: 1827

Thanks: 0
Thanked 59 Times in 56 Posts

Location: Gianthome
1909 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Giant1 Giant Ship1 Mount Thunder


PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 6:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Age of miracles isn't over; someone's critting the revision! Shocked Laughing (I hope *** wasn't a swearword.) Glad you find the emotional effect...well...effective. I adjusted the tone in a couple of places as the original was apparently too cold and grim. I'll write more when I'm not relying on a wlan/mobile combo, but thanks for the comment. Very Happy
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
StevieG
Andelainian

Male
Joined: 12 Dec 2007
Posts: 3226

Thanks: 8
Thanked 17 Times in 17 Posts

Location: Australia
4747 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Furls Fire


PostPosted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 12:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I have finished it, and really, I loved it!

I have read through this thread and I have to respectfully disagree with Effy regarding the tone of this piece. I'm currently rereading the 2nd Chronicles, and they're excruciating in their morbidity, which only makes it more satisfying in the end. Your story has an appropriate feel as to the state of Pitchwife's anguish. I wouldn't change it at all - the use of words and sentences suits the feel of a Giantish tale, and the way that Gossamer and Pitchwife work through their issues and prevail is extremely touching and totally satisfying.

You have managed to bring both points of view forward, and both are totally plausible - Pitchwife's guilt, rue and regret - and Mourn's feeling of being shunned by her heroes. The 2nd Chrons are still fresh in my mind, so I remember Pitchwife's retelling of the story to Linden well. I think you have created a wonderful story out of very little background information.

Some of your comparisons (metaphors/similes - I can never remember what they're called) are priceless and serve to lighten the tone momentarily whilst not interrupting the flow of the story. I personally don't think that illustrations are necessary because the descriptions allow for placement within the story effectively.
_________________
Hugs and sh!t!! ~ lucimay
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Phoogle Map
Frostheart Grueburn
Swordmain

FemaleRanyhyn
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Posts: 1827

Thanks: 0
Thanked 59 Times in 56 Posts

Location: Gianthome
1909 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Giant1 Giant Ship1 Mount Thunder


PostPosted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 2:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I have a proper workstation at my disposal again.

Glad you liked it, Stevie, thanks for reading. Very Happy I disagree with Effy as well when it comes to significant alterations to the grim mood; in my opinion a hurt/comfort tale becomes more effective if you first capsize bucketfuls of thick, sticky angst over the reader and then let passions flare up. And, indeed, the 2nd chrons ooze with distilled woe; no character is saved from its pervasive presence. However, all of the in-topic talk amid Twilight and Dante and Soviet cartoons and so forth relate to revision #1 (this is #2), and the little tweaks I did a year back alter the behavior of the Giants in general, plus while some of the conclusion was left to the reader to decide, now itís explicit that a couple of drowsy kisses did not suffice between Mourn and Pitchwife. Twisted Evil

I think simile and metaphor are interchangeable. People may educate me on this, however.


Last edited by Frostheart Grueburn on Thu Dec 12, 2013 12:20 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
StevieG
Andelainian

Male
Joined: 12 Dec 2007
Posts: 3226

Thanks: 8
Thanked 17 Times in 17 Posts

Location: Australia
4747 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Furls Fire


PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 12:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I found myself empathising with Crookback - the mood made sense. I think it was SRD that said that a story is not interesting (to him) unless the characters go through a lot, and also go through change. There is no satisfaction in redemption if they haven't first been through a world of hardship.

Hence why I really liked your story, because it conveyed that feeling of guilt, devastation, regret, failure and loss effectively. I felt Crookback's pain, so to discover the joy and love from that deep abyss - it was very satisfying!

We could talk about choice of words, sentence structure etc, and it may hamper some people's experience if it bothers them whilst reading (personally it didn't bother me because once I immersed myself in the story, the Giantish style enhanced the experience). I'm sure you'll take comments on board, but SRD never seems too concerned about his use of words in the Chronicles - some words were unconventionally used, but seemed to fit the occasion. I think this is true of your story too. My advice, which is not really advice but more my opinion, is to listen and ponder other people's critiques and maybe even make some adjustments if they seem right to you, but just do what you feel is best in the end. Very Happy It worked for me!

The pacing was also fine from my point of view. Maybe that's a personal thing, but I do like to picture a scene, and a descriptive scene helps my reading experience (I like Charles Dickens, so that may explain a lot Laughing ). It's also why it takes me a lot longer to get through a book than others - I'm a slow reader, but I also like to understand everything I'm reading - not necessarily all the words, but the scene that is taking place at the time. If you're going to tell a Giantish tale, then there's no point in rushing through scenes!
_________________
Hugs and sh!t!! ~ lucimay
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Phoogle Map
Frostheart Grueburn
Swordmain

FemaleRanyhyn
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Posts: 1827

Thanks: 0
Thanked 59 Times in 56 Posts

Location: Gianthome
1909 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Giant1 Giant Ship1 Mount Thunder


PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 2:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks! Very Happy Glad to hear that about the pacing and language. As for crits, itís impossible to satisfy everyone, so thatís my strategy as well: Apart from actual grammar or spelling errors and stylistic pratfalls that scream like a hog with thistles shoved up its bum, I select suggestions here and there. Sometimes, those require a tad of seasoning (or the reawakening of inspiration) before actual implementation. To some, the ďGiantish styleĒ may work, to some it wonít, and someone did judge it too difficult. Nevertheless, one must retain a semblance of the original: Pitchwife abruptly chattering like a matured rap artist would seem quite improper next to the original that has gobbled an entire libraryís worth of dictionary-thesauri. Wink


SRD has it quite right, and the emotional wringer he slams his characters into makes them rather more human and unforgettable than the fifteen zillion bland orphan farmboy clones fantasy readers must elbow their way through.

Well, I first contemplated which personís point of view to use--Pitchwife or Gossamerís--and, somewhat sadistically, chose the cripple as he provided more fertile ground for both emotional and bodily distress. Razz I just wish Iíd gotten relevant feedback when both the plot and the mood still lingered fresh in my mind; when I began editing this for the second time, I had to mentally kick myself into a suitable mirebuddle of glumness by typing a practice piece (With Rime Coldspray as the protagonist; this one has never gone through external proofing. Have asked for help a couple of times as well...).

I prefer a descriptive writing style over minimalism as well, as long as it doesnít overthrow the plot itself, as occurred to Robert Jordan. Been over fifteen years since I read Dickens, however, and all of those were Finnish translations. Anyhow, I also depict plotlines as a kind of intracranial movie complete with individual voices (for some reason, my Pitchwife always had a deep, rolling Scottish accent), so indeed, why rush? Very Happy
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
StevieG
Andelainian

Male
Joined: 12 Dec 2007
Posts: 3226

Thanks: 8
Thanked 17 Times in 17 Posts

Location: Australia
4747 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Furls Fire


PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2013 9:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll get to the practice piece sometime Very Happy
_________________
Hugs and sh!t!! ~ lucimay
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Phoogle Map
Frostheart Grueburn
Swordmain

FemaleRanyhyn
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Posts: 1827

Thanks: 0
Thanked 59 Times in 56 Posts

Location: Gianthome
1909 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Giant1 Giant Ship1 Mount Thunder


PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2013 12:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Re-read Fatal Revenant first. Very Happy It's tied to a chapter bearing the same name.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
StevieG
Andelainian

Male
Joined: 12 Dec 2007
Posts: 3226

Thanks: 8
Thanked 17 Times in 17 Posts

Location: Australia
4747 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Furls Fire


PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2013 8:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah that's a good idea. I'm currently half way through White Gold Wielder so I won't get to it straight away... But once I've read that chapter, I'll read it!
_________________
Hugs and sh!t!! ~ lucimay
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Phoogle Map
Frostheart Grueburn
Swordmain

FemaleRanyhyn
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Posts: 1827

Thanks: 0
Thanked 59 Times in 56 Posts

Location: Gianthome
1909 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Giant1 Giant Ship1 Mount Thunder


PostPosted: Wed Dec 18, 2013 2:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy

I never managed to finish it, however.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
michaelm
Kevin's Watchmaker

Male
Joined: 20 Aug 2014
Posts: 1454

Thanks: 13
Thanked 8 Times in 8 Posts

Location: location, location
3547 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Covenant's Novels1 Earthblood1 Skyweir


PostPosted: Tue Nov 25, 2014 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Posted from the other thread:

michaelm wrote:
Frostheart Grueburn wrote:
Not to sound disheartening, Eff, but I don't think most people here are interested in this sort of thing at all. :/ I don't know if the situation was different two years or so ago, but now it's very, very difficult to get even one or two readers, not to mention feedback. My bigger project went downhill from the start. Quarter a year of crickets. Had to ask for help over half a dozen times. Eventually culminated into name-calling. This sort of experience doesn't encourage to try again, no matter how many ideas one might have. Nor does it help overcome potential confidence problems.

People may occasionally look at pictures, but getting concrit even on them has become difficult lately. You can count those taking part in the dissections with one and a half hands, and I gather they were supposed to be one of the 'bigger events' here.

I have been meaning to read a lot of things here, but it's hard to find the time. My biggest passion is music and that tends to be what I do in preference to reading. I often read in the hour or less before I sleep, but it's been hard to delve into the works of anyone on this board.

It intrigued me to see that you had written something, as I have liked your artwork and it made me wonder what you had written. I almost feel like I should apologize to anyone who had already posted links to their work and I had seen it, as I have pushed yours to the front of the line.

Anyway, I read it and overall I like it. You asked for feedback, so here's some:

The flow is good, and the shorter paragraphs suit the story well.

There are some odd things I noticed, like the stuttering start of sentences which I didn't see in Donaldson's work and seems a little out of place. Also, the use of the word "bloody" seemed strange coming out of a giant's mouth.

I like the attention to detail as you don't overdescribe anything, but use a good amount of adjectives to create enough of the detail.

I didn't think it was soppy at all, and I think the relatively small amount that Donaldson wrote about the pair of them hints at much of what you have written. I don't think you veered from his hints of the private nature of their relationship.

Of course, I haven't read the Final Chronicles, so there could be things I'm missing, so judge my comments on only having read about giants in the First and Second Chronicles.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Frostheart Grueburn
Swordmain

FemaleRanyhyn
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Posts: 1827

Thanks: 0
Thanked 59 Times in 56 Posts

Location: Gianthome
1909 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Giant1 Giant Ship1 Mount Thunder


PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 2:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Right! Forgot about this. Glad it didn't feel soppy. Laughing

Endeavored to remain as close to canon as feasible. I've yanked a few details from the 3rd Chronicles, such as the existence of an Ironhand (it was already established in TWL that the Swordmainnir numbered more than one and represented a group of elite warriors), etc.

"Bloody" too British? Wink They do in fact swear a damn lot, in particular the dainty, prim, sword-swinging Giantesses, albeit that any specific wordings usually become lumped within "she muttered Giantish profanities", "Stonemaged listed a series of offenses to Bluntfist's parents", and so forth.

What's a "stuttering start"? Note that I've never fully attempted to mimic SRD's style, and that would be impossible with Finglish in any case.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Kevin's Watch Forum Index -> The Hall of Gifts All times are GMT
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3
Page 3 of 3

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by Earthpower © Kevin's Watch