Kevin's Watch Forum Index
 HomeHome   MemberlistMemberlist   RegisterRegister   SearchSearch   ProfileProfile   FAQFAQ   StatisticsStatistics  SudokuSudoku   Phoogle MapPhoogle Map 
 AlbumAlbum StoresStores   StoresItems Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Covenant walks into a bar....
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Kevin's Watch Forum Index -> The First and Second Chronicles of Thomas Covenant
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Seeker of Truth
The Patrician

Male
Joined: 02 Mar 2008
Posts: 80

Thanks: 2
Thanked 1 Times in 1 Posts

Location: Harrogate - North England
363 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:


PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 9:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A Ranyhyn walks into a bar and orders a large whisky....

The barman looks at him & says " Hey, why the long face??"
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Phoogle Map
Zenlunatic
Addicted to Ribbitalin

Male
Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 586

Thanks: 2
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

Location: Santa Fe
1190 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Rubber Duck1 Diamondraught


PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 3:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rocksister wrote:
Zen, love your avatar and your sig line............ toadly cool........... Cool


Croak you very much! Very Happy
_________________
"I have all the best words."
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Phoogle Map
AjK
The Spap Into Gam

MaleRanyhyn
Joined: 05 Jun 2008
Posts: 1131

Thanks: 8
Thanked 13 Times in 13 Posts

Location: Standing in the dark. Watching you glow. Lifting a receiver ...
1257 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Morinmoss1 Bloodguard1 Wraith


PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 4:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Seeker of Truth wrote:
A Ranyhyn walks into a bar and orders a large whisky....

The barman looks at him & says " Hey, why the long face??"

Hysterical Hysterical Hysterical
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Phoogle Map
SGuilfoyle1966
Urp-Lord ('scuse me)

Male
Joined: 03 Nov 2007
Posts: 279

Thanks: 1
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

Location: Fort Mill SC
824 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:


PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 2:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Covenant walks into a bar and orders a whisky, neat.
"How much?" says the bartender.
TC puts his fingers to the glass and says, "Two fingers."
_________________
Do, or do not. There is no try.
I think you like me because I'm a scoundrel.
Irishman and Gamecock fan
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Phoogle Map
shadowbinding shoe
The Gap Into Spam


Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 1455

Thanks: 1
Thanked 30 Times in 29 Posts


2302 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Kresh1 Diamondraught1 Mind Meld


PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 9:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mhoram takes Covenant to the bar.

"Why are we always going to the bar, Mhoram"?

"Well, ehm, I swore the Oath of Peace..."
_________________
A little knowledge is still better than no knowledge.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
jacob Raver, sinTempter
Man-spawn of Hate and Destruction

Male
Joined: 09 Oct 2007
Posts: 1744

Thanks: 8
Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts

Location: Wisconsin, US
6780 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:


PostPosted: Tue Feb 03, 2009 8:56 pm    Post subject: Covenant walks into a bar... Reply with quote

Covenant walks into a bar...

...And then the stars swarmed above, and the only thing that the bartender was sure he could see was a single red welt, clear and deadly, transfixing Covenant's forehead like a spear.
_________________
Sunshine Music
Deep Music

"I'm gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge." - Tony Block, Planet Terror
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Phoogle Map
DirectorDios
Elohim

Male
Joined: 06 Jul 2002
Posts: 111

Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

Location: Florida, USA
82 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:


PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2009 2:26 am    Post subject: Marriage in the Land Reply with quote

Ya know why there are so few marriages in The Land?
Because weddings rings are rare due to the diamonddraught!

oohhh, I just kill myself!
_________________
Itís a moral imperative.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Phoogle Map
Vraith
Obligate Metaphor


Joined: 21 Nov 2008
Posts: 10620

Thanks: 17
Thanked 99 Times in 96 Posts

Location: everywhere, all the time
31673 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Raver1 Wraith1 Caesure


PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2009 8:06 pm    Post subject: Re: Marriage in the Land Reply with quote

[quote="DirectorDios"] weddings rings are rare due to the diamonddraught!

Sweet pun.
TC walks into a bar. Bartender yells "Hey, we don't serve lepers here!"
TC says "That's ok, I don't eat lepers."

TC and a Ranyhyn walk into a bar. At a table, 3 collies and a chihuahua are playing poker. As the night goes on, the chihuahua gets madder and madder, losing every hand, complaining, accusing the collies of cheating.
The collies just laughed, and drank, and insulted the chihuahua. Finally, the Ranyhyn could stand it no longer. He walked over to the table and said "Could you please be quiet? We're trying to have a conversation over here." The dogs looked up, stunned. The chihuahua said, "Holy s#$^, a talking horse!"
_________________
Spoiler:
Sig-man, Libtard, Stupid piece of shit. change your text color to brown. Mr. Reliable, bullshit-slinging liarFucker-user.

the difference between evidence and sources: whether they come from the horse's mouth or a horse's ass.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
the hyperbole is a beauty...for we are then allowed to say a little more than the truth...and language is more efficient when it goes beyond reality than when it stops short of it.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
jacob Raver, sinTempter
Man-spawn of Hate and Destruction

Male
Joined: 09 Oct 2007
Posts: 1744

Thanks: 8
Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts

Location: Wisconsin, US
6780 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:


PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2009 8:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Honestly, the jokes in this thread are as good as it gets!!!
_________________
Sunshine Music
Deep Music

"I'm gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge." - Tony Block, Planet Terror
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Phoogle Map
Brother Charn
Battler of Pelor

Male
Joined: 24 Jul 2008
Posts: 420

Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

Location: Scragnoth!
2034 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:


PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2009 8:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Q: How does a gang of thirsty ur-viles get into a crowded bar?
A: They wedge themselves in.

Q: How can you tell when a Raver is in the bar?
A: When your girlfriend suddenly gets possessive.


BC aka DW aka D
_________________
BCakaDWakaD!

- Brother Charn
***************************************
"Shadows beware! The Light of Day shall find you, no matter where you lurk." - Archbeacon Davos
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
The Eighth Ward
Servant of the Land


Joined: 26 Jan 2009
Posts: 22

Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Times in 1 Posts


151 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:


PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 5:30 pm    Post subject: If you think these are funny (and they are)... Reply with quote

Some good humor here. Well done.

For those that may not be aware and are looking for more TCTC humor, you really should visit the Naughty TCTC Limerick Thread

http://kevinswatch.ihugny.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=6524&highlight=limerick

or perhaps a soap opera is more to your liking...

http://kevinswatch.ihugny.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=5836&highlight=burns

Either way make sure you have a fresh change of underpants Big Grin

BTW...beware if you haven't read the Last Chrons...lots of chars from that set in the soap. Wink
_________________
I used to be The Seventh Ward - Those who knew me had no need of my name.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
iQuestor
Unthanked

Ranyhyn
Joined: 11 May 2006
Posts: 2520

Thanks: 9
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

Location: South of Disorder
468 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 I Love KW1 Member of THOOLAH1 SRD's Green Rock


PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Overheard as a frantic 12 year old SRD runs through the school yard, a pack of raving bullies hot on his heels:

"Pussiant! I said you were Pussiant!!
_________________
Becoming Elijah has been released from Calderwood Books!
Korik's Fate
It cannot now be set aside, nor passed on...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Phoogle Map
dmMike7
Stonedownor

Ranyhyn
Joined: 01 Sep 2008
Posts: 25

Thanks: 9
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

Location: Long Island, New York
125 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 2007 Watchies1 Oath of Peace


PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

hahaha these are all awesome
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address
iQuestor
Unthanked

Ranyhyn
Joined: 11 May 2006
Posts: 2520

Thanks: 9
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

Location: South of Disorder
468 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 I Love KW1 Member of THOOLAH1 SRD's Green Rock


PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 1:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bannor leads the Unbeliever through the passages of Revelstone, and stops and bends at the waist to retrieve an item on the stone floor.

Covenant gasps at the sight, his unbelief pale and forgotten at this affront to his new land-keen senses.

"HellFire and Damnation!" He screamed hoarsely, his hands sprang too late to cover his face; the image was indelibly branded into his mind.

"I don't care if you haven't slept for two thousand years! Bend over in front of me in that -- that tunic -- again and I'll bring this bloody rock down around your ears!"

Bannor's visage showed a fleeting trace of embarassment, and then his usual stolid gaze returned. Covenant, his face covered, whimpered weakly and the remembered horror of the scene.

"Forgive me, Ur Lord. My tunic -- it was taken from the wash-house in haste. Perhaps it belongs to another bloodguard, one lesser of girth and stature than I. Clearly, it --- it does not suffice."
_________________
Becoming Elijah has been released from Calderwood Books!
Korik's Fate
It cannot now be set aside, nor passed on...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Phoogle Map
soft one
jheherrin

Male
Joined: 29 Apr 2009
Posts: 82

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

Location: Broken Arrow, OK
275 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Hurtloam


PostPosted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 3:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

TC walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "What'll you have?"
TC asseverates, "A flacon of your uttermost efficacious tipple. Furthermore, I beseech from you a taintless pilsener from which to quaff."
The bartender says, "Is Donaldson writing your lines again?"
_________________
Covenant turned in time to see a short figure detach itself from the burning mud, step queasily onto the hard ground.

The figure was scarcely taller than the skest, and shaped like them, a misborn child without eyes or any other features. But it was made of mud. Flames flickered over it as it climbed from the fire, then died away, leaving a dull brown creature like a sculpture poorly wrought in clay. Reddish pockets embedded in its form glowed dully.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger Phoogle Map
Coldbeer Pintswallower
Servant of the Land

Male
Joined: 26 May 2009
Posts: 3

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

Location: Central Scotland
12 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:


PostPosted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 2:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cheers

Covenant staggers into a Stonedownor bar. He is bedraggled and starving.

Covenant: Hellfire!! Can't any of you useless idiots help me out?!!
Barman: Certainly sir, which way did you come in ?

3000 years later, Covenant and Linden walk into the same bar. As usual, they are arguing furiously.

Covenant: Large JD on the rocks!! And whatever she wants!
Barman: I'm sorry sir, we don't sell white gold rings here.

[/quote]
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Phoogle Map
Demondime-a-dozen-spawn
Fresh out of the Warren inside Mappo Trell's sack


Joined: 24 Apr 2009
Posts: 447

Thanks: 9
Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts

Location: Minnesota/Wisconsin DMZ
864 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:
1 Member of THOOLAH


PostPosted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 6:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Question: Where does Warmark Hile Troy keep his armies?
Answer: Spoiler:
In his sleevies!

_________________
Meets or Exceeds International Humane Kill Standards.



Perpetual Motion or Until the Rubber Band Wears Out Motion
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website Phoogle Map
Rocksister
Giant

Female
Joined: 03 Oct 2006
Posts: 496

Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

Location: South Carolina
2045 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:


PostPosted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, stunned over that last one..............
_________________
Heard my ears aright? Did not the gaddhi grant me this glaive?


One must have strength to judge the weakness of others. I am not so mighty. Lord Mhoram in TIW
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Probot
Amanibhavam Addict


Joined: 14 May 2009
Posts: 17

Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Times in 1 Posts


178 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:


PostPosted: Mon Jun 08, 2009 6:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thomas Covenant is lost, so he calls his pal Esmer for directions. Esmer gives him complex instructions to reach his destination, and days later, under a blistering sun, Covenant stumbles underneath a gigantic tree in full bloom. As he struggles to look up, he sees Esmer, next to an equally gigantic hive abuzz with life, and a stopwatch. Furious, Covenant screams, "Hellfire! You gave me directions to you? What good does that do me?!" "You are here for what I can offer you, Thomas Covenant," replies Esmer. "Offer me!?! OFFER ME??!! I'm outta here, keep your damn shade and bee-trials!"
_________________
"In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king." -Tom Waits
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Percipience
Servant of the Land


Joined: 08 Jun 2009
Posts: 22

Thanks: 1
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts


78 White Gold Dollars
Tokens
HP

User Items:


PostPosted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 2:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shade and bee trials???? that one flew over my head! Otherwise, good all around!

TC walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, I'm sorry sir, we're all out! So TC exclaims, I don't believe it!

Razz
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Kevin's Watch Forum Index -> The First and Second Chronicles of Thomas Covenant All times are GMT
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8  Next
Page 3 of 8

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by Earthpower © Kevin's Watch