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Covenant walks into a bar....
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peter
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 11:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My favorite example of this type of reversal is in the Film 'Watchmen' when Rorsarch has just thrown boiling chip fat over the head of a guy that was about to knife him in the prison canteen. He whirls round on the other cons who had been expectantly awaiting his killing, and shouts in his raw, ragged voice "You guys just don't get it do you. It's not me who's locked in here with you - It's you who's locked in here with me!"

[better but a quip in to keep 'on topic' ...let's see....]

Findail walks into a bar - well, it makes a change from a tree, a mast, a wall....
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 11, 2014 1:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bannor walks into a stonedown. Then a woodhelvin. Then Revelstone.

Because the Haruchai are humorless and don't know how jokes work.
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 11, 2014 2:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, they know. They just don't deign to laugh.
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2014 8:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

aliantha wrote:
Oh, they know. They just don't deign to laugh.

It's just that they laugh so much and for so long in private that when it comes to laughing in public they just say "We sore face"

Sorry... Laughing
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2014 9:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

michaelm wrote:
aliantha wrote:
Oh, they know. They just don't deign to laugh.

It's just that they laugh so much and for so long in private that when it comes to laughing in public they just say "We sore face"

Sorry... Laughing
You really walked into that trap, ali....for shame Razz
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2014 9:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Orlion wrote:
michaelm wrote:
aliantha wrote:
Oh, they know. They just don't deign to laugh.

It's just that they laugh so much and for so long in private that when it comes to laughing in public they just say "We sore face"

Sorry... Laughing
You really walked into that trap, ali....for shame Razz

And I paid for it, didn't I? Razz
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 3:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Years after the end of LF, travelers from the Land finally arrive in the original home of the Haruachai, and discover the real reason they were humiliated. Their relatives.

The Pompou-chai. They surmise.
The Choru-chai. They surplice.
The Birthdo-chai. They "SURPRISE!"
The Prosti-chai. They service.
The Teena-chai. They suck face.
The Shepher-chai. They sell fleece.
The Glutto-chai. They sup twice.
The Taxide-chai. They stuff mice.
The Padd-chai. They sew rice.

Sorry, peeps...but probably not as sorry as y'all are for laughing at some of them....

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the hyperbole is a beauty...for we are then allowed to say a little more than the truth...and language is more efficient when it goes beyond reality than when it stops short of it.
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 3:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shocked
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 8:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Q.E.D.

u.
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 12:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thomas Covenant and Linden Avery are walking through an amusement park when they see a trampoline.

Covenant says to Linden "I'd like to try that out," to which Linden replies "No, Tom, you're a leper, you'll strain yourself".
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 12:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

DrPaul wrote:
Thomas Covenant and Linden Avery are walking through an amusement park when they see a trampoline.

Covenant says to Linden "I'd like to try that out," to which Linden replies "No, Tom, you're a leper, you'll strain yourself".

Laughing
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 2:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Covenant walks into a bar with a big chunk of asphalt under his arm.

"Get me a beer...oh, and one for the road..."
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PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2016 11:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Q: Why couldn't High Lord Kevin tell the time?

A: Because Thomas Covenant stood on Kevin's watch.
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PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2016 12:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spoiler:
...and then for good measure, Linden broke Kevin's watch a few millennia later.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 10:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What happens when you throw a leper into a pit of hurtloam?
Spoiler:
He gets muddy.

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PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2017 7:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What did one ussusimiel say to the other ussusimiel?

Spoiler:
We're too young to marry, we cantaloupe.

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PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2017 8:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The second day of their journey dawned with another sun of fertility. Sunder prepared his ussusimiel seeds and began harvesting the melons. Linden and Covenant watched him with glum looks on their faces.

"Knock, knock," says Linden.

"Who's there?" responds Covenant.

"Honeydew," says Linden.

"Honeydew who?" asks Covenant.

"Hondeydew you want to hear some gardening jokes?"

Covenant contorts his face into a wild grimace.

***

The third day of their journey dawns with a Sun of Pestilence. As they set out, they begin swatting at obnoxious bugs.

"Knock, knock," says Linden.

"Who's there?" responds Covenant.

"Amos."

"Amos who?"

"Amos quito bit me, ouch!"

"Hellfire!"

***

The fourth day dawns with another Sun of Pestilence. The insects are unbearable. As the group journeys along, Linden tries to brighten their moods with a joke.

She begins with, "Knock, knock."

Covenant rolls his eyes, but he plays along. "Who's there?"

"Anna."

"Anna who?"

"Anna ther mosquito bit me, pass me the voure!"

"Bloody damnation," grumbles Covenant.

***

The fifth day dawns with a Sun of Rain. The build a raft and float with the river. As the sun begins to set, they are all water logged and miserable, wishing to get away from the river.

"Knock, knock," says Linden.

"Hellfire, Linden, Who's there?"

"Dwayne," she answers.

"Dwayne who?" asks Covenant.

"Dwayne the tub, I'm dwowning."

"Hell and blood! Ain't that the truth!"

***

The sixth day dawned with another Sun of Rain. Covenant woke up with the sniffles. After his third bout of sneezing, Linden says, "Knock, knock."

"Hellfire. Who's bloody there?"

"Etch."

"Damnation. Etch who?"

"Bless you! Here's a Kleenex."

"Leper outcast unclean!" snarled Covenant. "Don't touch me!"

"What's your issue, tissue?"
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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 10:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shuram Gudatetris wrote:
What did one ussusimiel say to the other ussusimiel?

Spoiler:
We're too young to marry, we cantaloupe.


Hysterical
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2017 7:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A Raver spider crawls into a bar.
The bartender asks, "What's your poison?"

The Raver comes back on the next night as a pack of rats.
The bartender shouts, "Hey, we don't want no mischief in here!"

The Raver comes back on the next night as a fry of eels.
The bartender slyly remarks, "Back for more, eh?"

The Raver comes back on Friday as a swarm of bees.
The bartender doesn't say anything - it's none of his buzziness.
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