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TCTC The first draft Script
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 12, 2003 4:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

true, it's important to have a variety of viewpoints to make a movie interesting, but I think it might harm the story to have part of it take place away from covenant, you know? In the beginning, you want to leave some doubt over whether the land is real or a dream, so that the audience doesn't think of Covenant like Angus. I wouldn't have the camera show what Lena is doing before Covenant shows up, or while Covenant isn't even aware of Lena.
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 12, 2003 4:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, I can see your view point UrLord, however with motion pictures and to an unknowing audience, it wouldn't be important at this point that Covenant is dreaming or not. Even us readers aren't sure 100% that Covenant was dreaming or was literally transported. I do have a bit of non-audio dialogue where TC after being abased by Foul mouths the words "...a dream, it's a dream!" Sort of talking to himself (to reflect his thoughts)... I hate those movies that audio insert a character's thoughts I personally find it distracting, which is why I didn't like David Lynch's "Dune."

Nothing was said of his physical absence in the hospital after being taken there when he was hit by a car and saving the little girl from the rattler.
Point is that to keep from hanging on the same scene for prolonged periods of time (as the arrival of Covenant and Foul's rant and message)
I already, just visualizing the whole scene as I written it out in script form estimated that it took about ten minutes.

NO director/producer is going to allow that. Audiences would be bored outta their minds watching a guy just lay there cringing and listening to a disembodied voice. I would... and I LOVE TCTC.

Watch the LOTR movies again and find out what is THE longest single scene. Even the Battle for Helms Deep didn't take more than six or seven minutes at one stretch and there were points where we were taken to Frodo and Sam with Gollum or Faramir, or Aragorn waking up along the river from his fall, or Merry and Pippen at Isengard...

Yes introducing Lena at this point is seemingly premature but again I'll submit the question of "what was she doing there in the first place?" Yes, her dialouge would/could explain it but remember that it is a VISUAL medium.

During Foul's rant to TC I have written in where TC is SEEING Kevin enacting the RoD and other related scenes during Foul's dialouge. Much in the same way that we saw the creation of the ONE ring in LOTRs. TC is watching the events through a clearing in his wild magic veil that is protecting him from Foul's presence during the rant/message. This will at least give the audience to have something to relate to when TC meets other characters throughout and they speak of Kevin and the RoD and etc.

Remember also it IS the first draft of a script... to get an idea go to this site (where I am getting ideas on the how to's) and compare early drafts, second drafts, to final drafts (where applicable)
http://www.movie-page.com/movie_scripts.htm

If I'm lucky to even SELL the script when I'm finished I'll be asked to re-write this, omit this, explain that and point out this. I'll be doing my best to keep the butchery to a minimum, but it'll depend upon the director and producers of the film itself. Wink

And yes, indeed yes I will be consulting this forum should that happen. You guys would be extremely valuable.
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 12, 2003 8:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

of course Smile

well i for one think ur doing a great job of it Smile
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 12, 2003 9:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Forestal wrote:
of course Smile

well i for one think ur doing a great job of it Smile


Hail ohh thank you kind sir thank you Smile

I just hope that it'll sell Cross Fingers
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 12, 2003 1:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Four hours of writing and had to take a break.

Lena has met TC on KW and is now preparing to take him down to her Stonedown.

What I notice is going to be the first of many butcherings that I have to do even with the first draft.

Lena has a hefty amount of dialogue when she explains about the Land and part of it's history. Then as TC tries to stall going down the steps he asks about her Stone-questing and she goes into another lengthy dialogue of THAT.

Well guess what. Re-reading it all in script form it's gonna have to go.
Lena's little geography lesson of the Land was for the reader's benefit.
I can see now that it's gonna have to be cut/omitted for the film's version.

Foul's "little" tirade can be shortened as well though it does give background history of what's going on and why TC is there in the first place.

And yes, folks I've managed to indicate in the script that TC believes that it is a dream and managed to find a way to bring it across. As he first meets Lena in the book he ignores her initial questions and I have him whispering (madly) to himself "it's impossible, a dream...that's what this is a dream...." where as in the book this is his thought process, (I mentioned that I hate those where the thoughts is heard by the audience scenes. Well here he does this whispering to himself, several times including when he stands up abruptly and sees where he's at and nearly falls off KW until Lena catches him and helps him to the floor of the parapet, there in fetal position as he attempts to master his vertigo he whispers to himself again that it's just a dream...
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 12, 2003 2:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Forestal wrote:
that would b... kevinswatch.ihungry.com... Razz


LOL

Hey re TC walking 'against the traffic', if you get into strife just set the town in Australia or NZ Smile
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 12, 2003 3:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hey, I'm well aware that this is a first draft; I'm just trying to offer suggestions because I'm afraid that (should this actually be made into a movie) the audience will be completely horrified at TC and never be able to identify with him as a character. I think the best way to do that (short of eliminating the rape scene...something that can't happen) would be to play up the idea that it might well be a dream.

Hey, I also think you're doing a good job, I just want to try to help make it as good as possible Smile
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 12, 2003 4:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

as no doubt does everyone else Smile
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 13, 2003 4:15 am    Post subject: Another SNIPPET! Reply with quote

Hmm, got one part figgured out... read on and enjoy... feedback welcomed and desired.

Here Covenant begins his agonizing crawl down the long stairway of KW.
In order to give Lena a purpose for her being there in the first place I moved her dialogue to this point and thus...walla.

Quote:
POV - CU Covenant closes his eyes again and lowers his head. His breathing is in ragged gasps of stress and exertion.

COVENANT
I need to hear your voice, tell me...
(pausing to find a topic)
W-what were you doing here? How did you know to find me?

POV Lena smiles broadly

LENA
I was stone questing. I heard thunder and
looked up and saw the grey cloud
that you battled.
(pauses)
I am learning suru-pa-maerl.
Do you know this craft?

COVENANT
No Ė no, I donít know anything about
this place. Tell me, what is it?

POV Covenant and Lena midway down the long stairway. Lena laughs and begins to explain as Covenant continues his descent. Her voice fades as we move back away from the two. Soon the whole of the Watch is seen and the two are just small specks on the stairs working their way down.

POV - CU Covenantís face dripping with sweat. His breathing in gasps as he moves down Kevinís Watch (KW). A strong wind gusts suddenly, whistling by loudly. He gasps and shuts his eyes tightly and freezes where he is. Lena hand comes into view resting on his shoulder consolingly.

LENA
Halfway

POV Covenant opening his eyes and looking up at her.

POV Lena is kneeling down her face calm, an anchor for the storm of fear that rages inside him. She offers a gentle smile.

POV Covenant nodding. He looks down between his legs and sees the next step. Beyond they continue downward curving out of sight. Beyond them tall trees tops are coming into detail. Birds flit in and out of them.

POV Covenant and Lena making their way down the stairs. Eventually.

LENA
Thomas Covenant, be strong!
Only fifty steps remain.

POV Covenant keeps moving and then he stops. Shuddering violently he shakes his head.

COVENANT
No, no I canít do anymore!

POV at Lena, smiling down at him.

LENA
You need not go on. Open your eyes.

POV - CU Covenantís eyes screwed shut, his breathing is fast and sweat covers his forehead and face. Hesitantly he opens his eyes facing down to the stone beneath him.

POV - CU Covenantís hands on the stone. A drop of sweat splatters between them.

POV at an angle as Covenant raises his head to look around. The camera tilts and we see that he is actually level. Heís reached the bottom. Covenant realizes this and lets out a loud sigh of relief. He lays down on his side with his back to the wall and covers his face with his hands, catching his breath. Lena kneels down besides him and smooths his sweat soaked hair on his head.

EXT. VALLEY FLOOR EST. MID-AFTERNOON

POV Covenant and Lena walking away from KW putting it behind them. Theyíre in a wide glade with trees here and there and tall grass. There is no disconcernable trail but Lena seems to know the way. Covenant stops and turns towards the watch. His eyes rise up.

POV The watch as seen from the valley floor, standing majestically against the blue sky. An eagle soars past completing the picturesque scene.

POV - CU Covenant now calmer that heís on solid ground.

COVENANT
Thank God I wonít do that again!


The last line being an inside joke for those who know the series well. TC
I realize that I'm adding dialogue here and there but it does help I think with the narrative and flow of the story. By my estimate we're already into the first half hour or twenty minutes of the movie and have a long way to go.
But I hope that here I'm able to show Covenant being a frail man with normal fears and weaknesses. That Lena's care and respect for him during this trail will make the rape that much harder for audiences to LIKE Covenant. But I think his later exploits will help redeem him.
His (accidental??) calling of the Fire-Lions to save the quest can probably be filmed very heroically and thus lift him a bit in the eyes of non-readers.
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 13, 2003 4:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh gotta love that scripting Very Happy

i would give feedback, but i dont know how i'd make that better than it is... i'd probably stick in a forestal wandering thru the forest, but thats because i'd just love 2 stick one in... i dont suggest you do that Razz lol

but the bird flitting between the trees is a very nice idea Smile
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2003 12:21 am    Post subject: And now: Another Snippet: Reply with quote

This picks up where Covenant tastes Aliantha berries for the first time, gorges himself and gets groggy and falls asleep.

Quote:
EXT. GLADE EST DAY (LATE)
POV Lena seated under a large tree in the shade with Covenantís head in her lap. A fluid passage of time moves cross the screen as if they were for hours. Covenant lays asleep.

POV CU Covenantís sleeping face as the time passes. His face reflects the reactions to the voices in his head, his wife Joan, the Doctors at the Leprosarium, various towns-people, the girl at the phone company, Drool Rockworm, Lord Foulís laughter then finally Lenaís laughter turning into a long echoing scream of terror and pain. Should faces of these individual speakers be ghostly faces superimposed over Covenant?

VARIOUS VOICES V/O

DOCTOR : Iím sorry to tell you this Tom, But youíve a rare case of Hansenís disease

JOAN
What?

DOCTOR
Leprosy

JOAN
Oh Tom why didnít you take care of yourself?

DOCTOR 1 AT THE LEPROSARIUM
(sounding like a Discovery Channel commentary)
Hansenís disease or more commonly known as leprosy
is extremely rare in the United States.
Usually itís found in third world countries where medical care is....(fade)
(continues from a different conversation)
...The disease attacks the nerve endings of the extremities, and elsewhere on the body, in effect deaden-ing them,
they cannot grow back or regenerate because...(fade)

DOCTOR 2: Mr Covenant I donít think youíre aware of the danger that youíre in. Follow me please

POV DREAM SEQUENCE: Covenant follows a doctor down a clinic hallway they approach a door and the doctor pauses to explain briefly

DOCTOR 2: In here is a hermit that the state police found two years
ago deep in the mountains, he contracted Hansens disease
and wasnít aware what was happening to him.
His is the most advanced case that weíve seen to date
Weíve arrested what we could so far but...well see for yourself

The Doctor opens the door with his hand. They enter and a man is on a hospital bed. His face is haggard and heavily bearded, one eye is gone, an empty socket remains, the other eye is a blue cataract of blindness. We cannot see his hands as they appear to be covered by the bed sheets which is rumpled and in disarray. We can see from the shapes under the sheet that one leg is gone and the other is shortened at the knee. He looks around, hearing someone in the room but does not speak.

DOCTOR 2 :Herman, this is Mr. Covenant
He has the same thing you have, he just doesnít seem
to be aware of the danger that heís in.

The hermit raises his arms which we see were not hidden by the sheets, both hands are gone and at the un-even ends are two stumps, bright pink and grotesque in appearance. He opens his mouth revealing only two or three teeth, his tongue is black and his voice sounds as if from the grave.

HERMAN
Kill yourself! Better than this.

POV Covenant rushing out of the room and vomiting on the floor as he runs.

FADE OUT/IN DREAM SEQUENCE INT. HOSPITAL REHAB. ROOM EST DAY

DOCTOR 3
VSE: Visual Surveillance of Extremities. These three letters
will comprise the whole of your life. Your life depends
upon these three letters. Examination of yourself for cuts
bruises of any kind will help reduce the chances of... (fades)

FADE OUT/IN

INT. COVENANTíS HOUSE IN HIS OFFICE EST DAY

Covenantís wife Joan stands in the doorway with a large suitcase and a small diaper bag at her feet. A small boy which is their only son Roger in her arms, heís about two yrs old and plays with a toy while Joan speaks to Covenant who is OS

JOAN: Tom, Iím sorry, but Iím leaving.
The doctors said that ... what you have...
Can be catching especially to children
Oh Tom, Iíve got to protect Roger from that!
(pointing to his half hand)
Goodbye Tom.

She picks up both bags and turns and leaves. Covenant makes no move to stop her.

EXT COVENANTíS HOME TOWN IN THE SQUARE, EST DAY

POV on Various faces as Covenant seems to circle around him and around.

MAN 1: Get out of here Freak!

MAN 2: Outcast! Unclean!

WOMAN 1: Stay away from our children

MAN 3: Why donít cha kill yer self!

WOMAN 2: Youíll never have a woman again

MAN 4: We donít want you here.

MAN 5: Donít come back into town anymore!

GIRL FROM PHONE CO.:Sir, your phone bill has been paid up for the next six months, You donít have a reason to come back

POV Covenants neighbors spin around him past his field of vision faster and faster thier voices echoing until he falls in a daze and a loud police siren fills the air and bright red/blue lights flash brightly and then we see the grille of the police car rushing towards us and filling the screen

FADE OUT

INT DROOLíS CAVE

Drools face appears again out of the blackness, his red eyes shining brightly with hatred.

DROOL: CRUSH! KILL THEM ALL!

FOUL V/O: You do well to pray to me ...GROVELER! (fades to laughter)

FADE OUT TO BLACK

LENA V/O: (voice sounds from far-away)
The Land is not a dream Thomas Covenant
There is health here and beauty (laughter fades to a low scream building in intensity)

EXT TREE WHERE LENA AND COVENANT ARE RESTING. EST DAY

FADE IN

POV CU Covenant jerks awake at the height of the scream and looks around fearfully. He turns and sees Lena regarding him cautiously. She reaches out to smooth his hair which has become wild.

LENA (gently): You dreamt ill omens Thomas Covenant
I wish I may help you forget them.

POV Covenant sits up and after a moment stands up and takes a step away. He says nothing at first and then shakes off the remnants of the nightmare. He looks around and realizes that he is still in the Land. He turns to Lena and shrugs with a half smile.

COVENANT
No, these dreams, one cannot forget.

He holds out his right hand to help her out. Suddenly self concious of it but before he can withdraw Lena reaches up and grabs it and pulls herself up. She looks up at the sun and frowns slightly. She looks around for a moment and spies something OS. Smiling at Covenant she points the way with her hand.

LENA
Come, we should be getting to the Stonedown
The hour groweth late. My parents will be worried.


Note: the name of the hermit (my tongue in cheek reference to what I was listening to at the time when I was writing).

Yes, seems that dialogue is added and sequence of events are out of order, but he IS dreaming this. It also provides more background at least.
Was thinking of inserting a doctor voice over (V/O) "you may experience impotency which is normal for people with your uhh, condition."
But I think that may confuse people ... if he was impotent then how did he rape Lena?

Also I plan to skip Atiaran's story she tells to the Stonedown later that evening it's one of those over-long un-necessary scenes.
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2003 9:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="Seafoam Understone"]But I think that may confuse people ... if he was impotent then how did he rape Lena?[quote]

thats the whole point... the hurtloam cured his impotence... this should be pointed out... in my opinion... but otherwise i like it Very Happy
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2003 9:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shocked Very Happy

Wow. That's great. I love this flashback sequence! This is really the sort of stuff I was rambling about in the old movie thread, except you manage to make it coherent. Wink

Keep up the good work! Can't wait to see the next excerpt.

Theo
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2003 11:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Forestal wrote: thats the whole point... the hurtloam cured his impotence... this should be pointed out... in my opinion... but otherwise i like it Very Happy


Hmm, yeah, but as I read it (which is word for word as I write the script Smile ) Lena doesn't apply hurtloam "there". Seems to me that hurtloam affects the areas where it's applied, almost like a muddy neosporin. Now the combined effects of aliantha and hurtloam however...

hmm help me out here folks...

Quote:
Theo wrote: Shocked Very Happy Wow. That's great. I love this flashback sequence! This is really the sort of stuff I was rambling about in the old movie thread, except you manage to make it coherent. Wink
Keep up the good work! Can't wait to see the next excerpt.


Thanks, it was the only way I could figgure out how to put in his "back-story" without making the film ramble on. I've read script changes to scenes of other movies and study how they would've made a great movie totally boring. In effect I'm trying to stay one step ahead of the directors and producers. But seeing how those type personalities tend to make changes all of their own without consultation or even consideration to the main storyline... It's probably why SRD didn't WANT to have his beloved books translated to film.
We'll see... eh? Rolling Eyes
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 18, 2003 3:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awesome so far! Has Lena already told the whole Kevin story or is that yet to come?

The flashbacks work very well (I was actually expecting some--like the angry townspeople and a shot of a bunch of delivered groceries with a note basically saying "Now you don't need to come into town anymore." or something--during his walk into town, but I think leaving it until that point may draw people in as they wonder what has this guy done that people treat him so badly, etc.)

Also with the flashback sequence, I was picturing it as, instead of dissolves, as quick fades-to-black and the quick fades back in, kind of an abrupt kind of thing getting progressively more rapid, accentuating CT's distress. Don't know how anyone else pictured it, but I thought it read great.

Again, very cool.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 19, 2003 2:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, W.B. exactly the added details that I need from members of the Watch. I think I can throw in a shot of a bag of groceries sitting on Covenant's front porch as he steps out to walk to town in the opening sequences. With a close up on the note. Covenant will see it, sneers at it and ignore it at first because he has pressing business with the phone bill. But a good add on.

The quick fades in/outs are even a better way I think to do the flashbacks...

Right now the script stands at 47 pages (that's supposed to translate to 35-40 minutes of film so far) and Covenant has finished dinner with Trell and the family and Atiaran has been called to sing. I'm gonna omit that scene because all it does is give a detailed (LONG) history of Berek and Kevin. Foul has already done that with the little speil he gave to TC on the Watch. The book repeats Berek's and Kevin's history but the movie cannot ... it would be just too long.
Flowing narrative is the key.
I will show the Stonedown gathering for Atiaran's song but Covenant leaves right at the beginning. Then Lena missing his presence follows and ... well he rapes her. This sequence will be difficult to write but I think that I can intercut with symbolic images of "Foul raping the Land" ... this may ease the whole scene for unsuspecting audiences. That he does the crime cannot be avoided, there's Elena to explain in the sequel Wink (we hope Wink )

More snippets to come...

BTW if ANYONE has or can get a zipped file of any movie writing script program i.e. How to Write A Blockbuster, ScriptThing, Final Draft 5 or 6... let me know (off group) ... I've tried *ahem* downloading it but my 45bkps baud modem keeps crashing...sigh... gimme DSL someone!
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 21, 2003 1:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great so far, Seafoam; Keep it up, man...it would be awesome to see the movie and it's good to know SOMEONE is trying to do it!

The flashback scene is just about how I read it, but like WB said (quickly and overlapping somewhat).

By the way, I'm a little over an hour from Hollywood, so if you're looking for a place to stay when you sell it, you have a place to go if you need it!
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 21, 2003 5:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Seafoam Understone wrote:

Hmm, yeah, but as I read it (which is word for word as I write the script Smile ) Lena doesn't apply hurtloam "there". Seems to me that hurtloam affects the areas where it's applied, almost like a muddy neosporin.


In The Illearth War, Mhoram applies hurtloam to TC's head and he feels it moving down thru his body healing him, including his leprosy. He sleeps, again, as it is curing a great ill.

Perhaps you need visual cue (along with the requisite musical one of course) of some sort - a flush along the skin so it looks healthier? Maybe flashes of touching things with fingers, Joan's skin, in bed together?
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 21, 2003 5:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe an intra-veinous camera mock-up ... just travelling the viewer through the body, maybe colour changes or sound changes ...

( I also thought of little smiley face blood cells giggling down the veins but that's probably a little too parodic Very Happy )
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 21, 2003 5:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Ur-Chico wrote: By the way, I'm a little over an hour from Hollywood, so if you're looking for a place to stay when you sell it, you have a place to go if you need it!


I just may take you up on that, provided you can bear with me for probably more than a month. I originally planned to mail hard-copies and sit by my mail box patiently awaiting rejection letters. If by miracle/chance that someone actually wants to BUY the script then by all means...I'll come knockin at your door.

Quote:
Mistweave wrote:In The Illearth War, Mhoram applies hurtloam to TC's head and he feels it moving down thru his body healing him, including his leprosy. He sleeps, again, as it is curing a great ill.

Perhaps you need visual cue (along with the requisite musical one of course) of some sort - a flush along the skin so it looks healthier? Maybe flashes of touching things with fingers, Joan's skin, in bed together?


That may be a good way to go do it. Thanks for the suggestion.

Right now folks, I'm at where Covenant leaves Atiaran's story of Berek and Lena guides him to "the scene of the crime".... mein gott! It's hard writing. I've sympathy for SRD for when he wrote this portion out. Or mayhap he just spun it all out quickly.

Here I'm trying to find the best way to shorten the path and get it over and done with. Lena has spoken of Trilock and her dream to be a Lord.
I feel Covenant's question of how Stonedowners marry and Lena's answer is a tad long. Yet cutting to the "chase" if you will... seems rather abrupt.
Arrrgghh! What to do?

I know I'll be alright once I get past this scene. But ... arrrgghhh!
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