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The Five to Fifteen Minutes Thread.
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Linna Heartbooger
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 6:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you. I was excited about it too.

I might show a greater peek into her world by editing and expanding it.
(I have a bit more of her thoughts in the night than I got in to it.)
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"We human beings do real harm. History could make a stone weep." -Gilead, by Marilynne Robinson

deer of the dawn's anti-recommendation of "Gilead"
My anti-recommendation of the same. (hers is shorter!)
Both are on the Watch's excellent "Anti-Recommendations of your Favorite Books" thread.

'"He will wipe the tears from all faces." It takes nothing from the loveliness of the verse to say that is exactly what will be required.' -Gilead, by Marilynne Robinson
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2015 12:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm intrigued.
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2015 2:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Me too! Here's hoping we get to see a bit more! Very Happy
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Linna Heartbooger
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2015 4:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for your encouragement, ya'll.
8 minutes. Loopy in the Sky with Diamonds
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"Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!"
____________________

In the epic tragedies, the story has a moment, a moment in the dance... a moment when the young women are presented, when she looks up, and sees a man looking upon her. My tutor taught me that these tragedies are all lies. Sartala, whom my father and my mother chose to school us children in the classic epics when we were young, was a strong woman. Not old, and not young, she could silence the sauciest of my brothers with a stroke of the blade of her eyes. With stillness. Now she is old, and has forgotten many things. Our family has been her only family for quite long. We all respect her.

Shall I speak of the year when I sought the hidden knowledge of the ways of the gods so ardently? Sartala was openly pleased and proud that she would train such a pious young woman, only six season-runnings. She could not have guessed my impiety. The matter I was seeking was this: Who among the gods would take an interest in the destiny of my sister? With whom could I bargain for her to have a good life? It has never been known in the history of our people that a child born so deformed or with such a weak mind has lost its curse as it grew. But this is the blessing I would seek.

So I - the precocious child with lilting voice and gesturing hands asked, "And which god do seek for this blessing, and that blessing?" I pretended to be interested as she told me of blessings of prosperity, and of fertility, and of health, and of womanly virtue. But always, always, I waited to find which of the gods would care about a child like my sister. And I waited and waited, thinking my only answer would be: "the gods are too great; they could not care." Thinking my only answer would be silence.
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Also, the edited version (in which I think I added some content!) of installment 1 of the story is here:
http://kevinswatch.ihugny.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=25111

Edited: minor stuff in text, and added Bible verse.
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 07, 2015 11:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thats a very clever trick to pull off Linna - to catch your reader with a 'hook' in the first lines of a story. Your tale begins to take form; if you have the desire to add more substance to the outline structure you have created thus far [not without risk!] then I'll be here. You have won a reader! Smile

[I would suggest the longer term project of expanding the tale into a short story for the Hall of Gifts, but don't do so for two reasons. Firstly, the act of creation is hard - unforgiving - and it's not something that should be pushed onto somebody unless they take up the mantle for themselves. Secondly, the 'method' of taking a period of sustained thinking, followed by a brief, but set time to commit to paper seems to be really suiting this tale. It may be that the actual restriction is drawing the best out of you by limiting the risk of 'overwriting' the piece. It's a delicate thing and easily subject to disruption.]
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....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
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'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'

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Linna Heartbooger
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 07, 2015 12:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

peter wrote:
Thats a very clever trick to pull off Linna - to catch your reader with a 'hook' in the first lines of a story.
Thanks, peter! Are you saying I did that both times?

One thing I'm often hesitant about is including scripture quotes at the start of a section...
Authors may recognize that they are ten-ton-hammers... except for some stupid reason humans like me don't always use them for what they're made for, but attempt to wrest them for their own purposes.
Surely I'm not 'immune' to doing such a thing. Sad
*covers part of her face with her hand*

peter wrote:
Secondly, the 'method' of taking a period of sustained thinking, followed by a brief, but set time to commit to paper seems to be really suiting this tale. It may be that the actual restriction is drawing the best out of you by limiting the risk of 'overwriting' the piece.
I think 'over-writing' is a definite risk for me...

The one concern I have with this method is that the different pieces will be too disjointed.
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"We human beings do real harm. History could make a stone weep." -Gilead, by Marilynne Robinson

deer of the dawn's anti-recommendation of "Gilead"
My anti-recommendation of the same. (hers is shorter!)
Both are on the Watch's excellent "Anti-Recommendations of your Favorite Books" thread.

'"He will wipe the tears from all faces." It takes nothing from the loveliness of the verse to say that is exactly what will be required.' -Gilead, by Marilynne Robinson
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 10:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Before I read your second piece Linna, I went and re-read the first, [wait - I'm going to do it again.]......

........... [yes - I confirm it to be so] and had no problem running straight into the second from the first. To me they are two paragraphs - the beginning of a tale, that by the end of which [the paragraphs I mean] you hunger to know more. And it's clever. Few books I've read pull it off. To 'hook' the reader quickly is something especially important in short story writing, where every word must 'count' in a way of much more significance than in a long extended tale [this is why SRD said he considered short story writting much more demanding of skill than writing whole novels, where if you throw enough words at a wall, some will stick].

re The concern of disjointedness; it doesn't matter, because the same effect works on the reader; I mean, I'll read each previous piece before the one posted and in this way you will build your tale like a Jigsaw and my mind will construct it in the same way - and time will fill in the blanks to smooth out the joins. [This is the 'fifteen minute thread' after all.] Do you see? Or you could do it the conventional way now the idea is crystallising. Get out your notebook and draw up a tale that makes you satisfied, and give us the completed article....... Or [and this is the difficult one] put it aside, satified with what you have thus far achieved. [Explanation; Fellini, I think, said every film is 'murdered' three times. It is murdered when it gets from the writters mind on to the page, it is murdered by the director when he commits it to celluloid and again by the viewer in failing to see what was intended to be. Thus does the perfect idea degrade at each step between the writers and the viewers]. Clearly in your minds eye you have something very special Linna - maybe you will elect to keep it as you see it. The choice is yours; but whatever you decide I've been moved by your words. You made me empathise.
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....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'

We are the Bloodguard
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 8:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I failed again. This may be giving me too much time to think.
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 10:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Trust yourself Sorus.
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 11:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was going to say that it's not a matter of trust, but I guess that's as good a word as any. With two minutes, I generally don't do any editing. When I have time to edit, I over-analyze and end up scrapping the whole darn thing.

Haven't given up, though. I like a challenge.
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 11:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you've seen the first Bourne film ['Identity' I think], theres a scene in it where he sits in the seat of a car, studies a map briefly, clears his mind and then furiously drives the route he has memorised untill he has completed it. Doing this task could be like that - or it could be done as a spontanious 'snatch' at a passing subject with no pre-thought idea [my attempt was done in this manner, although I had been reading about the Rousseau picture a day or two before]. Either way, it's actually rather daunting and all the more so when you have done it once and have been somewhat pleased with the result; you don't want to do it again and do worse!
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....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'

We are the Bloodguard
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 12, 2015 2:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

We followed the map into the heart of the desert. Each step was much like the last, the landscape unchanging, inimical to life. We hadn't talked much on the journey, too wrapped up in our own thoughts. After twenty years of searching, this finally felt like the real deal - the end of the search. Miles of sun and sand and mirages, but maybe over the next dune we'd see El Dorado. And yet at the same time, it seemed a little too easy.

"Wait." Aiden's voice broke the silence, and I complied, puzzled, until a figure rose from the sand directly ahead of us. Child-sized, clad in rough robes the same color as the sand, features hidden beneath a hood, the figure approached slowly, warily.

"Sooo thirsty...." the voice was soft and wistful. I was reaching for my water flask when Aiden knocked my hand aside, stepping in front of me, knife in hand.

"What...?"

"It doesn't want your water."

The figure hissed. I caught a glimpse of leathery skin, a flash of needle-sharp teeth.

"Be gone." There was an edge to her voice I'd never heard before. Sunlight played off the silver blade of her knife.

The figure hissed again, then dropped to all fours and scuttled away, blending back into the desert.

"What... was that?"

"Sand vampire."

"There's no such thing as a sand vampire."

Aiden shrugged. "Lives in the desert. Drinks blood. Sand vampire."

"Are there many of them?"

Another shrug. "Shouldn't think so. It's hot out here, and I don't mean the weather."

A reflexive glance at wrist monitors showed radiation indicators glowing a steady yellow.

I supposed it wasn't surprising that one or two of Dr. X's creations had survived - they'd been bred for this environment, after all.

A steady hiss rose around us. The dunes seemed to shimmer and ripple before coming alive - dozens, hundreds - surrounding us on all sides. "Soooo thirsty...."
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 12, 2015 10:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Thats great Sorus; damn thats good! Laughing Applaud
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 21, 2015 7:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent!!!! Hail Head Banger Reading
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 21, 2015 8:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

More! More! More!........
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'Then let it end.'

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 22, 2015 9:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, guys! I might do another tomorrow depending on my mood - I have an idea but I don't know if it's viable to set it down in the time frame.

Somebody else take a turn!
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 23, 2015 3:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm oddly nervous, but will do so next.......Tuesday!
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'Then let it end.'

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 25, 2015 7:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I look forward to seeing it.
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 27, 2015 11:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I suppose I'd better cancel my appointment at the solarium. No question this one has been a stinker! I've stayed working waaaay to long; I bet I've infected half the damn workforce. God - I'll be as popular as snake-shit! TLC and warmth - that's what I need. Odd sort of affair though - I mean we all expect to get the runny nose, the cough, the aches and pains - but all that bloody itching! Maybe it was all in my head? No - can't have been; I had that redness in my face, my arms and whatnot. It started off in the background, then was like a sort of crawling scraping thing going on and then latterly - can't describe it! Like a million ......fleas or something.

Anyway, I seem to have broken the back of it and actually I'm not displeased with the result. The neckline's a bit rough but hey, cut me some slack - how many times have you flayed yourself? The process isn't pleasant for sure [make sure you got a good supply of new razor blades - three minnimum; I ran out!], but loads more endurable than the itch and think of the benefits [savings on soap etc - no sweat see]. Yes - I bet I'll not be the last one to decide that with the help of a blade and a full-length mirror his skin's better in a bucket by his side than screaming blue-murder on his back!
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....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'

We are the Bloodguard
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 27, 2015 12:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[Background; I hate that story, but I said I'd post and so I posted. As previously I sat down with an empty mind [ie no pre-thought out idea] and plucked my subject out of thin air. Well...not exactly. I have a rotten cold so that is in my mind, and earlier on I was researching a forthcoming trip to Bruges and looking on the site of one of the main museums, saw a renaissance painting of a man being flayed [horrible] that stayed stuck in my head. Also I feel guilty that I've probably given my cold to most of my co-workers due to having to continue working when I should have stayed away [no sick pay see].

I really wish I could remove the post but leaving it there serves two purposes. First it satisfies my need to be as good as my word [silly, but that's just how I am] and second, it breaks the fear of posting a bad story here, because you realise that once you've crossed that bridge - you don't have to do it again. Like having sex, once it's done it's done. You may repeat it many times or few - but you only cross the bridge once.
_________________
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....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'

We are the Bloodguard
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