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The Superficiality of Life
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Nathan
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 3:41 pm    Post subject: The Superficiality of Life Reply with quote

[quote="ChoChiyo]I don't know about this next bit, but I wonder if everyone here has had some powerful hurt in the past that makes us a little afraid to throw ourselves into real life with the same abandon that we throw ourselves into our cyber lives.[/quote]

When ChoChiyo said this in the "What's the common denominator here at KevinsWatch?" thread it immediately stood out to me: I've had conversations along those lines with my sister. I find she's the only person I will ever really talk to. The conversations I have with other people, people I know, people I don't know, family, it doesn't matter who, are always incredibly superficial. I'll talk about things I like, things they like, the weather, but I never discuss anything real.

I'm not sure why. Fear of not being accepted? Not being liked? It doesn't really matter, I'm quite sure that eventually I'll find others I can talk to. Meanwhile, I feel safe here. A place where if I want to run away I can, and nobody will be able to follow me.

An opening came up, so I thought I'd get that off my chest, I hope it makes nobody feel uncomfortable.
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 3:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ACtually, it makes me feel a little more comfortable. After having said it, I felt a little vulnerable and exposed.

I know it is true for me...and generally, I have found that most people that I know that I can *really* talk to on a deeper level, are people who've had the same kind of experience--well, maybe not the same kind of experience, but a similar reaction to the experiences they have had.

Ah, well....
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 3:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you, the knowledge that there are others in the same (or similar) position as me makes it seem less lonely.
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 4:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No need to feel lonely as long as I'm around, punkin!

I'm happy to chat with you any time.
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 4:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I feel the same way... While I've been here too short to feel entirely safe, I already find it easier to open myself here than in real life.

I haven't felt like that on any other forum. You people are amazing. Hearts
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 7:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I haven't felt like that on any other forum. You people are amazing


Yep- I'm with Invain. This is a great forum here. A lot of different ideas and philosophies- and something in common for everyone, too. It is easier for my to open up in Cyberspace, too, by the way. At least I know I don't have to go to work with Cail after a heated political/religious debate.... (No offense, buddy!) Wink And Cho is terrific!
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 7:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The difficulty I have with forums like this, or even with email, is that it's impossible to put any nuance into what you're typing. Sarcasm, wit, irony, empathy, sympathy, love, hate, and so on are so tough to get across in the written word.
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 11:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cail wrote:
The difficulty I have with forums like this, or even with email, is that it's impossible to put any nuance into what you're typing. Sarcasm, wit, irony, empathy, sympathy, love, hate, and so on are so tough to get across in the written word.


I've lost count how many times on msn that there has been a misunderstanding due to the inability to use tone or body language.
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 11:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe you are just a private person, Nathan. Nothing wrong with that. This forum allows for a certain amount of anonimity (sp?) which frees you to expose yourself in a different way than you would face to face.

We all put on a face that is acceptable to the rest of the world. Here, you don't have that restriction.
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 4:52 am    Post subject: Re: The Superficiality of Life Reply with quote

Nathan wrote:
ChoChiyo wrote:
I don't know about this next bit, but I wonder if everyone here has had some powerful hurt in the past that makes us a little afraid to throw ourselves into real life with the same abandon that we throw ourselves into our cyber lives.


Nothing builds character like suffering. I often think that it is only the wounded, the lonely and the dispossessed who hear that strange freedom song in the night.

Once you have heard it, once you have looked at life from the other side and asked yourself where you are, and where you want to be, then everybody who doesn't, who hasn't, seems strangely empty.

Or as Nathan says, superficial.

Nathan wrote:
...but I never discuss anything real.

I'm not sure why. Fear of not being accepted? Not being liked? It doesn't really matter, I'm quite sure that eventually I'll find others I can talk to. Meanwhile, I feel safe here. A place where if I want to run away I can, and nobody will be able to follow me.


Perhaps it's more a feeling of wasting your time? As I've said elsewhere, discussions like the one's we have daily here are few and far between in real life. When I meet somebody that can/will discuss these things, I always appreciate it.

As for feeling safe here, it's not something that particularly worries me. Believe it or not, I sound/talk like this in real life too. Wink Unfortunately, in real life, it's not something many people want to listen to all the time. I think that for people like us, the real problem is finding like-minded people. They are out there, and all too often we may miss them.

Here though, they(we) are everywhere. Wink

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 6:15 am    Post subject: Re: The Superficiality of Life Reply with quote

Avatar wrote:
Believe it or not, I sound/talk like this in real life too.


Oh crap! I was hoping you didnt smoke pot in real life, too! Wink
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 6:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL

Sorry. What you see (read?) is what you get. Wink

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 6:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Avatar, if i'm ever in South Africa we can burn one together?

i have to be careful at work, but i do manage to mention my beliefs, eh, every ten minutes or so.
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 7:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dennis, if you're ever in SA, we won't just burn one together.

We can burn many, all the while discussing the ineffable nature of gods and realities.

I'll look forward to it with pleasure. Not for nothing do we call Africa the "Land of Green Gold". Smile

Be safe man.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 7:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Avatar: now if i only could convince work to send me to SA on a goodwill tour of the prisons!
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL

Believe me, our prisons here good do with a little goodwill. They're in quite a mess. Still, couple of years ago, the Minister of Correctional Services got into a deal of trouble when he suggested that marijuana be legalised, in prisons at least, because he (probably rightly) thought that it would ease some of the problems they have.

Thought it was a good idea myself. Wink

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 10:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Africa - Land of Green Gold

LOL ah that was priceless!
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 10:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*bows, smiling gently*
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

wow, dope in prison. i'll most likely be in prison fopr even thinking about the subject.

our prisons need to be overhauled. too much worrying about the criminal's rights.
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 12, 2005 1:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm with Avatar. (What else is new?) OK, not in regards to pot, heh, but I've often tried to have these types of conversations in rl. But even those who say they want it beforehand soon change the subject.

My kingdom for someone to talk to in rl!!!

Ah well, as the Master of Lore said, I've seen misunderstandings come up a lot because of the lack of facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc. Still, posting and emailing allow a lot more editing than talking, so it has its good points too.

But just once...!!!
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