Cag's Depressing Cancer Thread

Cagliostro · Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2020 10:48 pm Post subject: Cag's Depressing Cancer Thread

I may very well re-brand this later, as the name "Cag's Depressing Cancer Thread" (put here for historical context when I think of something better) seemed funny to me to go full Eeyore and lean into it.

For those not in the know, and to speak the name of my potential killer, I have been diagnosed with metastatic adenocarcinoma stage 4 cancer. If they could find the source of it, they would be able to treat it better, but currently the Batman Investigations (what I am calling all the horrid tests I went through) have turned up empty.

I went to the ER a couple times because of abdominal pain. It was thought that it was inflammation from eating the wrong foods, but started to lead to lots of food being the wrong food, and I would get pain in my chest that I wanted to rule out heart attack. Never any heart problems, so they would give me a GI cocktail and I'd feel better and go.

At the end of Februrary, I went to an Urgent Care instead and he suggested going on to the hospital ER rather than the small ER near my house because they had access to more equipment to check things out. He said he suspected it was gall bladder related.

I went over and got checked in, and they checked things out with the gall bladder, but that all seemed fine. They kept ordering test after test after test, and in the end was told there was some scarring on my liver, and that she was sending me back to my general practitioner to say that I need a liver biopsy and to have them run things, but that this is very serious and get things going.

A visit to my GP later, and she said I should go to a gastroenterologist as I wanted to dump mine after an annoying problem with my previous one involving their staff that I won't go into. Scheduled in two weeks. After having previously taken 6 months or more to get things rolling on thyroid cancer removal, I figured this was par for the course.

When I saw the new gas doc, and I told him I was here to set up a liver biopsy, he looked pissed. I think my GP left him holding the bag and shouldn't have, and shouldn't have waited. He didn't say this, but I could see it in his face. After checking several things out, he came back and said we'd get that rolling and he'd recommend a cancer doctor.

I think the liver biopsy was scheduled a week or so later, right as COVID-19 was gaining a little traction in Colorado, but no shut down yet. After the biopsy, I was told they were sending the results somewhere else and that I would hear back about it.

Meanwhile I met Dr. Moazzum, a man with a pretty thick Indian accent, but one variety my former Kansan old man ears can understand better than others. He was highly rated on websites, and every doctor I mention his name to say he is one of the best, so I feel like I am good hands. Despite his horrible analogies and lack of bedside manner and great lack of information giving.

He said we would wait for the results, but meanwhile he wanted to get a PET scan done. Before the PET, the results came, and they were inconclusive. My gas doc suggested I get a second biopsy, and when I told him about the PET scan, he said let's wait until we see the results, and we'll go from there.

PET scan came back lighting up in multiple areas - abdomen, liver, neck, lung, pancreas, and probably some other places as my brain shut down with the constant emotional whamming of "HOLY SHIT!" going on in my mind. He said it is 92% cancer, and 8% just to be inflammation. Another biopsy would be sought, but left up to the IR doctor.

Found out within the next day or two that they wanted to take another crack at the liver. Got that scheduled, and now COVID-19 really was big everywhere, and we were working from home during this time. I might write something separate later about the effect the pandemic has had on this and some of the scary.

After the liver biopsy, it was known at the name above, even though both my wife and I, through the stupid Zoom meeting, heard Adreno Carcinoma. But we were wrong.

Roll in the number of awful tests to follow, of which my last few weeks have consisted of, including the horrible nightmare inducing pee pee hole scope, an endoscopy, several ultrasounds, and on and on.

I was told recently I would be getting a port, which I didn't know what it was, and would be started on chemotherapy. They wanted to do more tests in the meantime, including a mammogram to rule out, and another ultrasound on my giblets (well, mainly liver and bladder).

After that was scheduled and ready to go for Monday and Tuesday of this week and chemo on Wednesday, I got another call that said I needed to be tested for COVID-19 before I can go into surgery. They scheduled Sunday for that. Now this awful thing is eating in the weekends now too.
We had been holding off from telling the kids until we had a treatment ready to go. It ate away at me keeping it a secret as I am an honest father, and I could tell they knew something was up. We came up with a plan and got advice from a friend who is going through breast cancer treatment as well who has young kids (younger than ours) and her advice on that. It was worse than having the Santa talk, but they handled it pretty well. The questions and upset is still coming but just waiting for some of the bad stuff to hit them.

I tested Sunday for the Coronavirus, and on Monday was feeling warm. Partly because my car had been sitting in the heat, and it was 80 degrees that day, and I also hadn't gotten enough water. I had two appointments Monday - one for the mammogram, and the other for an ultrasound. Due to a misunderstanding, I thought the mammogram needed me to drink a certain amount of water, and needed me to go in with some in my bladder. So when I got to the mammogram appointment, I had a full bladder and was running over 100 degrees Fahrenheit. They cancelled my appointment after testing again after I had set again briefly. I also had a new mask that was tight and hot that I was using. I switched it for a cooler mask and they tested again, and it was under 100, but they said they would not allow the appointment.

The other appointment had right at 100, but then after sitting there a bit was allowed in with 99 degree temp. And I found out I didn't need to hold the water anymore and had a life affirming pee.

The port was put in yesterday, and despite everything I heard and was told, they did not knock me out for it, and had to be awake as they put something into my chest above my heart and wired it up to my jugular vein. That was very unnerving, and the excuse they gave was that they would need to intubate me if they put me under, and said no more, but I figured it was another drawback of the pandemic.

Today I got my first round of chemo, and it wasn't horrible, but I guess the worst is yet to come. I shouldn't have much hair loss - just thinning, they said. But the biggest side effect of the chemo coctail I am having (mainly called FOLFOX, but also known as the funnier 5-FU, which seems more fitting), is a severe cold sensitivity. They say putting my hand in the refrigerator will make it hurt like an electric shock, and drinking cold water will feel like I'm being choked with ice.

Also, I was given a pump, but I need to get some rest now and will continue later with a discussion of this albatross. I'll try to make another entry tomorrow.
_________________

Life is a waste of time
Time is a waste of life
So get wasted all of the time
And you'll have the time of your life

Wosbald · Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2020 11:18 pm Post subject:

+JMJ+

Praying.

_________________

Brinn · Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2020 12:16 am Post subject:

Hang tough brother. Rooting for you!
_________________
War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. John Stuart Mill

StevieG · Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2020 1:01 am Post subject:

I like the thread title!

So much shit to go through just so you can continue to go through shit - referrals, tests, tests, referrals, deferrals (it seemed sometimes), inconsiderate doctors, covid-effing-19, telling the kids, etc.

Sending understanding thoughts from the other side of the world Smile

_________________
Hugs and sh!t!! ~ lucimay

Menolly · Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2020 1:38 am Post subject:

Strength, conviction, Love, and Light, Cag.

We're here for you, and Carla as well, should she need a place to journal and vent.
_________________

Avatar · Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2020 6:36 am Post subject:

Damn Cag, sounds hell of a rough. (I fixed your paragraphs for you. Wink

)

Well, as long as you can keep a sense of humour about it, then you're not too far gone yet. Wink

Will be thinking good thoughts for you.

--A
_________________
It's easy to judge. It's more difficult to understand.

Cagliostro · Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2020 9:47 pm Post subject:

Linna Heartbooger · Posted: Fri May 01, 2020 6:29 am Post subject:

StevieG · Posted: Fri May 01, 2020 7:23 am Post subject:

You have permission to be mildly self-centred right now. Very Happy

I know that's not your default position. Everyone has some level of self-centred-ness but you don't strike me as someone who craves to be the centre. In this case though, I say go for it!

Here's a random awesome song just for you my friend! End of the tour
_________________
Hugs and sh!t!! ~ lucimay

wayfriend · Posted: Fri May 01, 2020 12:33 pm Post subject:

That's some bad and terrible news, Cags. I do appreciate you're sharing it with us like that, and I hope in some way it makes you feel less isolated than you might be. Keep fighting the fight.
_________________
* I occasionally post things on KevinsWatch because I am a fan of Stephen R. Donaldson; this should not be considered as condonation of the white nationalist propaganda for which this forum has become a platform.

SoulBiter · Posted: Fri May 01, 2020 3:28 pm Post subject:

Keep us updated as you can Cag. Although I have never met most here in person, I have found that I care about the people here.

We are with you and sending you cheery thoughts and positive energy!

Cheers

_________________
"He torments himself sufficiently."

**"You can deny if you will but the "hens" didn't just happen to show up when they did, by accident. "**

"All of the above is my opinion and thus shouldnt need to be supported by anything other than more of my opinions. twocents

"

We miss you Tracie but your Spirit will always shine brightly on the Watch

Cagliostro · Posted: Fri May 01, 2020 10:06 pm Post subject:

Whew...the last couple days have been a bit weird. I think the pump gives me the bad juju because I was doing pretty good until they pumped that mess into me.

I talked a little about the eye stuff, I think. I later had a bunch of pain in my eye and then it flooded with tears. I found that a side effect is blocked tear ducts, and I think that is what burst free in a fright-giving manner.

So the pump is supposed to give warning sounds when it nearing the end that the nurse said to just ignore, and gave the horrible sounding "I hope you are an early riser." Thankfully it was well after I woke today before that started, and it only beeped three times before giving the "all gone" alarm to turn it off, as well as the machine. Happy to have that stopped being pumped, but then I had to wait until the office visit to have it removed.

About 4 hours later, I went into the cancer center and got issued in faster than I had in the past. I asked some questions that I had, mainly about my eyes, and was reassured that it can happen and we should keep track of it.

I asked about being trained to remove it myself, and she quickly went over it, but because I had been rigged up by the hospital, she said it would be better to learn next week. So I agreed and tried to follow along. When it came to flushing out the port with saline solution, but needing to make sure blood pushes back into the syringe, and to be careful of not push air back in because of accidental death, I decided I might not want to play that game and leave it to the professionals. I might change my tune later, but right now, it is really just every two weeks.

Now it is out, and I'm going to take a well deserved shower. Tuesday morning was the last time I had one, and typically I don't feel right unless I shower each day. My hair is shambles with the shut-in hairstyle with my usual flopsy hair, and I hope to at least not look too 1970s by the end of the day.

Sometimes it is the little things that keep you going. This is definitely one I need right now.
_________________

Life is a waste of time
Time is a waste of life
So get wasted all of the time
And you'll have the time of your life

peter · Posted: Sat May 02, 2020 7:05 am Post subject:

Wow! Your story affects each and every one of us Cag, for we are none of us in this alone. I had a grumbling tooth when I woke up this morning; somehow it doesn't seem so important now.

Enjoy that shower my friend.

Respect from this side of the pond.
_________________
How do you hurt a world that has lost everything? Give it back everything broken.

....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'

We are the Bloodguard

aliantha · Posted: Sun May 03, 2020 2:38 am Post subject:

Why does everybody poop on the '70s? The hairstyles weren't *that* bad.

Well, maybe they were.

This sounds like no fun at all. Good for you for keeping a positive attitude.

I am not hearing the part about stage 4 and...that other word you said. Not. Hearing. (ali sticks her fingers in her ears) LALALALALALALA
_________________

EZ Board Survivor

"Dreaming isn't good for you unless you do the things it tells you to." -- Three Dog Night (via the GI)

https://www.hearth-myth.com/

peter · Posted: Sun May 03, 2020 6:09 am Post subject:

Avatar · Posted: Mon May 04, 2020 6:52 am Post subject:

Like not being as appalling as the 80's? Very Happy

Skyweir · Posted: Mon May 04, 2020 10:19 am Post subject:

We love you Cags ♥️♥️♥️♥️ so, so much ♥️♥️♥️♥️

Sounds like your doctors are all over it ✊ which is so good to know 👌

We are community dude .. a family of watchy Watchers 😉 so as sibling hood demands action, I volunteer to kick your scrawny butt ... whenever you need a butt kick and give you a wet willy when needed lol 😂

Stay strong 💪

I been away for a while hunting surreptitiously, ninjerly koalas .. so missed your earlier posts ... but one of our little islander Watchers contacted me. Sending you health, healing, positive vibes and lols 😂 cuz life is better with lols 😂😘😘😘😘
_________________
health and healing

'Smoke me a kipper .. I'll be back for breakfast!'

EZBoard SURVIVOR

High Lord Tolkien · Posted: Mon May 04, 2020 5:47 pm Post subject:

Sorry Cag.
My wife went through a horrible cancer procedure/process 10 years ago.
Nothing like what you described but it was pretty aggressive and chemo resistant and the outcome didn't look good for a while but after a long hard fight she's been cancer free ever since.
Keep fighting and best of luck.
_________________
httpsss://thoolah.blogspot.com/

[Defeated by a gizmo from Batman's utility belt]
Joker: I swear by all that's funny never to be taken in by that unconstitutional device again!

lucimay · Posted: Mon May 04, 2020 9:10 pm Post subject:

i'm not handling this very well. that's why I haven't commented or sent hugs or anything. this is my m. o. I just pop my stupid head in the sand.
sorry about that. i'm just worried for you and Carla and the kids.
if there is ANYTHING I can do please don't hesitate to call. will make a pm with my phone number in it (you may still have it from the Thelma and Louise tour but will send it any way in case you don't.)

i'm just down the road a piece. i'll come at a moments notice for whatever you might need. I have masks and gloves and stuff so...
yeah.
just call if you need me.

Hug

_________________
you're more advanced than a cockroach,
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies

i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio

a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~

aTOMiC · Posted: Mon May 04, 2020 9:32 pm Post subject:

I wish there was something more tangible that we could do to help Cags but every member of this forum is here to support you and all of us extend our thoughts and prayers to you. My family has had its share of cancer and though the process of treatment is never easy I have witnessed loved ones endure through to remission. I hope for the absolute best for you.
_________________